Ceaselessly
by DedicatedWallflower
Summary: After the incident, all Calina Laraunt wanted was for life to be calm again, and for the whispers to fade. So when a new boy, and his new family arrive, seemingly unaware of what happened that night at 1820 Rosehill Lane, she finally gets to be normal again. Jasper Hale is her never-ending source of calm, and she will fall. Fall for him, fall for his family, and fall for eternity.
1. Part 1:1

_one of us saw it coming, not even Alice. No one could have predicted it, no one could have prevented it. Once we saw, we knew that we could never be the same._

 _. . ._

"Calina Rose," Allison shouts up the stairs at me.

As nearly every other day, I'm more than fifteen minutes past when I'm supposed to leave for school.

"I promise I'm coming." I call back, desperately trying to toss everything I need for school into my backpack.

My laptop is nowhere to be found, so I toss my backpack over my shoulder taking the stairs two at a time in my haste to get out.

"Have you seen my-" I stop when Allie holds out my laptop to me, rolling her eyes as I shove it hurriedly into my bag.

"You really should be more organized." She quips, handing me a glass jar of juice, and rushing me out the door.

"Yeah, I know, you remind me all the time." I shoot her a teasing glare as I unlock my car.

"Have a good day." She waves from the door, shutting it behind her when she sees me get in my car.

The drive to school is less than exciting, the only thing that keeps me from falling asleep behind the wheel is the fresh layer of snow atop the week old foot from the first of our winter storms.

"Jesus." I groan, holding my wheel tightly when I realize how full the parking lot already is, if there's anything I hate, its parking in the far lot. It's still dark out, and by the time I'm done at school, it will be dark all over again, meaning a trek in the snow and dark for me.

Resigning to the fact that I will in fact have to park in the back lot, I turn the familiar curve to the back lot, raising my hand to wave at Kate who rushes into the school, leaving Tanya to trail behind her talking to the new family.

So far they haven't spoken a word to anyone besides the Denali clan, which part way irritates me, but I would never tell Kate.

Wrapping myself up tight, I hurry into the school. They didn't manage to ice the back lot in time obviously, because multiple times I have to catch myself as I slip on the ice in my rush.

The warning bell rings right as I run in the front doors, the warmth from the heater hits me, and I welcome it, jumping up and down to stay warm.

I don't even bother taking my coat to my locker, knowing that I'll be late if I do, and Mrs. Dowis has promised me my third detention of the month if I'm late one more time to homeroom.

I barely manage to make it into Mrs. Dowis' room before the bell rings. She raises her eyebrows at me, and I toss her an innocent smile, making my way to Kate in the back.

"Well, you actually made it on time today at least. You know you almost ran over Sheri Hill again this morning." Kate laughs, handing me a bagged cinnamon roll.

"Oh my God, tell Carmen she's literally the best." I grab it greedily, putting it in my bag.

"Will do." She rolls her eyes, focusing on tearing the paper on her desk into a thousand tiny little pieces.

"So, how are the newcomers?" I joke, but Kate just looks frustrated.

"It's just weird, ya know. They're really good at keeping to themselves." She sighs, and I can tell that there's more, but I don't push it with her, instead I turn my focus on Mrs. Dowis who's giving the class a lecture on snow safety as though any of us need it.

When the bell rings, I give Kate one last look, she still looks bothered, but gives me an attempt at a smile when I bid her goodbye until lunch.

I walk down the hallway slowly, pausing when I reach my locker. One of the new girls, the tall one who looks like the stepped right off a magazine gives me a small smile as she puts away books in her locker. I return the smile, instantly feeling awkward next to her.

I let out a sigh of relief when she walks away, and quickly toss my stuff into the locker, slamming it shut quickly before anything falls back out.

"Hey, Lina Rose!" Marlee startles me as she appears next to me, hooking her arm with my own.

"Hey Mar." I grin, letting her lead the way to Advanced Literature Four.

"So, Max asked me to homecoming last night." She smiles big, squealing some kind of high pitched screech as we walk through the door.

"Really?" I feign enthusiasm, hating the idea of someone as sweet at Marlee with a boy like Max.

"Mar, Lina." Anna greets us as we make our way to the table in the back.

Marlee starts in telling Anna the full story of Max and homecoming and I tune her out, waiting for the bell to ring so we can start our day.

Lit wears on for what seems like forever, with Mr. Carlson constantly calling on me like he knows I didn't finish any of the reading last night. By the third time he calls on me, Anna is snickering as well as the rest of the class, and I swear my embarrassment is starting to slowly eat me.

All I want to do is go home and crawl in my bed, but as the hour drags on, the embarrassment seeps away, and I manage to sit calm in my seat. It feels nice, for once, to not feel anything but calm. It's been a while since I felt anything close to that.

I pass from class to class, pretending I don't hear the anything being said about me behind my back. It seems to me like after four months, the rumors would stop, but at this point I'm not sure they ever will. When Kate is around, I never hear anything, everyone is too scared of her, but when she isn't it's easy to hear the things being said about me.

"Hi." I skid to a stop on my way into the cafeteria when one of the new girls stops right in front of me, smiling at me like she's never been more excited in her life.

"Hey, uh you're one of Dr. Cullen's kids, right?" I try to converse with her, making desperate eye contact with Kate across the room, she just smirks and goes back to talking with Tanya.

"I'm Alice, and you are Calina Laraunt." She smiles again, and I can't help but be a bit freaked out by the girl in front of me.

"Yeah." I nod, smiling something that probably looks more like a grimace.

"You're going to sit with us today." She grins, grabbing my arm and leading me towards her table where to my relief, Kate is sitting.

"Hey, C." Tanya calls barely looking away from the bronze haired boy who doesn't seem near as interested in her as she is him.

His head snaps to mine, giving me a look I can't even begin to describe, but he looks welcome to the distraction of Alice and I joining the table.

"Jasper, this is Calina." Her voice reaches a new octave as she shoves me into the chair next to him. I'm immediately freaked out, and like the supermodel blonde from the lockers before can feel it, she hisses at Alice to calm down before she really freaks someone out.

The boy next to me barely says a word, which is even weirder, and I begin to think of every curse I can at Kate for not stepping in and helping me.

"Calina, this is Rosalie," she points at the blond who gives me another small smile, "Emmett, Edward," the bronze headed boy across the table gives me a crooked grin and a wave "and Jasper, of course."

I pretend not to notice the way she shoves my chair closer to Jasper next to me before she sits down, inspecting the apple in front of her.

Jasper finally makes eye contact with me, and I suddenly get nervous all over again, he frowns, but still says nothing.

Kate moves to sit next to me, and I feel myself slowly start to relax. Rosalie even has a small conversation with me, but it's slightly reserved like she's trying to decide whether she likes me or not.

"You were right about weird." I whisper to Kate, and her face breaks out into a grin.

"I told you, I'm just glad you got roped in today." She laughs.

I don't respond, instead focused entirely on the cinnamon roll in front of me.

"God you look like you're having a relationship with that roll." Tanya quips from across the table, rolling her eyes at me.

I think about throwing the cinnamon roll at her and ruining her perfect hair, but I think better of it and continue to eat it. Edward, or Emmett, the bronze one looks up at me again, clearly amused although I'm not sure why.

Most of the rest of the lunch period consists of the big new kid trying to see how many grapes he can put in Rosalie's furry hood before she notices, and Alice looking at me like I hold the answers of the universe. All of it just makes me feel like an outsider in their small world. Clearly they are alright with sticking to themselves like Kate said.

"Calina, what class do you have next?" Alice chirps as we all stand from the table.

"Photography, I help teach it." I nod towards the art hallway, surprised when Edward tells me that he's just switched into the class.

"Have fun, I'll see you later." She says with such finality, like she's going to make sure we see each other if her life depends on it.

I awkwardly nod at Edward, shuffling my hands back and forth because I honestly have no clue what has happened today.

"Sorry about Alice, she's just a bit excitable, I think she thinks you two are going to be best friends by the end of the year. She's a little lonely here." Edward smiles easily, but it doesn't ease my nerves.

I glance back at the table, smiling at Jasper and Rosalie who are still sitting and whispering together. Jasper smiles at me, and just as butterflies erupt, they are again replaced with ease and what feels like happiness.

"No, it's totally fine, I get lonely sometimes too." I nod, trying to get my mind off of why I'm lonely.

Edward just nods at me, looking entirely conflicted.

"So what was her deal with Jasper?" I laugh, starting to feel more comfortable with Edward.

"She's constantly trying to make him be friends with people. Jasper doesn't do as well as my other siblings with people. He had a very different life before our foster parents acquired him."

I frown at his statement suddenly feeling horrible for the boy who sat next to me. Promising myself that I will try to talk to him next time I see him, Edward and I walk into the Photo Lab, I take my place in the front of the room, and he walks to a table, sitting down next to a boy in the front row.

Mr. Baker starts to teach, and grateful to not have to, I sit at his desk and work on my history project. I've never been a huge fan of history, and I have Kate's older sister Irina to help me with everything. She practically knows every last event in American history and even World history. Often Kate and I use her like a human encyclopedia.

I click link after link, reading as much as I can about the Civil War before the bell rings and I sigh in relief.

"You did a lot of helpful teaching back there." Edward jokes, and I punch his arm, it isn't hard, but it definitely hurts like hell.

"What are you made of, concrete?" I laugh, holding my hand and glaring jokingly up at him.

We joke easily all the way back over to my locker where I bid him goodbye for the evening, and Kate comes rushing over to me, glaring at Edward as he passes.

"Woah, what was that all about?" I ask, frowning at her behavior.

"It's nothing, come on, we're hanging out."

I don't argue, just follow her with a small smile, sending one glance back at the weird new family as I leave, Jasper's eyes boring into my own.

"So weird." I mutter to Kate, laughing along with her as we walk out of the school and into the freezing Alaskan night.


	2. Part 1:2

I follow Kate silently through the snow and up to her door. It was a fight to see who would drive, and in the end she just decided I would stay over with her and get my car in the morning. It was a plan Allison was less than pleased with, but she agreed none the less.

"Would you hurry up?" Kate complains, grabbing my arm and dragging me across her driveway.

Her house sprawls in front of us. It's easily the most beautiful house in all of Alaska, and her mother, Carmen outdoes herself in upkeep. I have never seen it look anything less than perfect; both inside and out.

"I'm coming, you don't need to make me a human ragdoll." I joke, trying to free myself from her grasp, but her grip is like iron and won't budge.

"You'll catch a cold out here." She complains, pulling me harder until I nearly fall into the grand entry of the house.

"Thanks." I mutter, rolling my eyes sarcastically at her.

She simply ignores me, and heads farther into the house, calling out to anyone home that she brought me with her. Carmen's voice carries out of the kitchen, calling a sweet hello. Tanya and Irina are nowhere to be seen, and I have a funny feeling Tanya is following Edward like a lost puppy.

"Where's Eleazar?" I ask after tossing my boots and furry coat into the closet.

"Oh, he and Doctor Cullen decided to hunt and fish before the storms got too bad. I think he believes we need another moose head after I threw away the last one." Carmen jokes walking out of the kitchen to give me a hug.

"Well, that sounds exciting."

The last time Eleazar brought home a moose head and hung it above the hearth, Carmen had it removed and gone within the hour. She was less than pleased with the dead animal staring at them all hours of the day.

"Kate dear, the Cullen's are coming over this evening, please try to look presentable." Carmen sighs, looking at her middle daughter with a frown.

"Lina, we're going upstairs." Kate growls, tugging me like a ragdoll, again, towards the stairs and into her room.

Like I expected, there are clothes draped everywhere with no rhyme or reason. The only thing that has room on it is her bed, so I sit on the edge, watching my friend with curiosity.

"I cannot stand him." She starts to pace, her hands flying everywhere like lightening.

"Who?" I ask dumbly, cocking my head at her in an attempt to look confused.

"Edward, he thinks he can just come back and toy with her again." She groans, looking at me expectantly.

"You're going to have to give me more than that."

"He came here, a few years ago, before you moved out here, and before you know, what happened. He and Tanya sort of hit it off, but they weren't meant to be. Fate did not want them together, and yet here he is, bored, and willing to play my sister to spite that fate." She growls, pacing faster than I ever thought she could.

Kate has always had this affinity for fate, and meeting her soulmate despite her incredibly tough exterior. It fascinates me, and drives me insane to no end. I'm not sure I share the same ideas as her, especially after Jared.

"Kate, you have to let Tanya make her own mistakes, if this fate you speak of is real, then someday she will realize it and everything will fall into place." I rest my hand on hers.

"God, you make everything sound so convincing." She rolls her eyes, plopping down on the bed next to me.

"Well, you are being a little irrational." I smirk, nudging her shoulder with my own.

"Oh shut up Lina, you're just way too rational."

"I'm hungry, let's make cookies?" I grin, peeking outside her window as we both walk towards the kitchen.

"Okay." She shrugs, taking the stairs two at a time.

I've been convinced Kate is anorexic for the past few months, she never seems to eat or even pretend to anymore, and it has begun to worry me, so any time I can eat with her it's welcome. Then again even when I'm there she never eats.

We've just begun to get ingredients out when Carmen rushes into the kitchen and ushers us into the living room muttering about us making a mess as usual. Kate gives her mother a glare, but lets her shove us out.

I see why right when we enter the grand living room. It seems like suddenly Kate and I are the center of attention and I nervously tuck my brown hair behind my ear, smiling a bit at what must be the entire Cullen family.

"Nope." I hear Kate mutter next to me, and then she's gone, running up the stairs behind us and slamming her door.

I sigh, and wince when I hear a bang come from upstairs.

None of us speak for a moment, and I'm glad Carmen is not here to see Kate's outburst.

Finally the overly excited one gracefully jumps to her feet, rushing over to hug me.

"Hi Calina." She grins as she pulls away.

"Alice, hi." I smile at her, laughing when she tugs me towards the rest of her family.

"Carlisle, Esme, this is Calina, we go to school together."

The man looks young enough to be her brother, but I know that he's their foster father, so I smile at him, trying to show how appreciative I am for taking them all in despite his age.

"Hello, Calina. It is so nice to meet you." The woman comes to hug me first, and my nerves dissipate. I'm not sure if it's because of how warm her hug is, or the fact that these people want to know me, and they know nothing of what happened.

Our introductions are interrupted when Eleazar comes in from outside, shaking snow off of is coat. His eyes light up when he sees Carlisle, and conversation immediately breaks out between different groups as Irina also walks in the door. Alice is distracted from me, and I stand by the door feeling entirely like an intruder.

"Hi." A voice breaks my thoughts, and I look up to see the supermodel blonde standing next to me, leaning on the wall.

"Hey, you're Rosalie, right?" I ask, trying not to think about how frumpy my shirt must look standing next to her.

"Right." She laughs, and even her laugh is perfect.

"Sorry, there's just been too many new names today." I apologize, my face flushing.

"Oh I completely understand, Carlisle's job moves us more than we like, so the name thing is totally real."

"I can't even imagine moving around that much." I sigh, watching the family interact together. They seem to be a perfectly oiled machine, and I can't help but be jealous at the way they seem to care about each other.

"It's alright, they make it somewhat bearable." She nods towards the group in front of us.

"I can't even remember what that's like." I chuckle, knowing that I am lying through my teeth, I can remember every moment we spent together as a family before that night.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't realize," Rosalie trails off, her face falling into a frown "how long ago?"

"It will be four months next week." I try to be light and smile like the world doesn't bother me at all, but I know it looks more like a grimace.

The sadness grasps my heart, and it clenches almost painfully. It's so much easier to convince myself that it doesn't bother me, that it didn't even happen, but it did.

She places a hand on my shoulder, and looks at me like she's going to protect me from everything. Reassuring me one last time, she goes to greet Irina, and Edward takes her place next to me.

"You look entirely too sad for a welcoming party." He chuckles, looking around the room.

"Hiding from Tanya?" I guess, my mood lifting as I think about calling her in here just for entertainment.

"Whatever you do, don't tell her where I am. I've already gotten enough grief from Kate for a lifetime." He pleads, and I laugh at Kate's intense hatred for my new friend.

"Oh come on, Edward, it could be fun." I grin, pretending to look around for Tanya.

"It would be the farthest thing I could think of from fun." He groans, and I relax, ending my joking.

"I'm teasing, how did you like Photography today?"

"It was quite interesting, it's a hobby I've been looking to pursue for a few years." he nods, crossing his arms, his golden eyes watching his family closely.

I try to follow his line of vision, and my eyes land on the boy Alice was so insistent on me sitting next to at lunch. I start to blush when I realize that he's been watching me with a look I cannot decipher on his face.

"Don't mind him." Edward whispers, "he's developed a bit of a crush on you since we moved here, which is probably why Alice wanted you to sit with him."

My eyes widen, and as if Jasper knows what Edward has said, he fixes his gaze on Edward, glaring at him like he wishes his look could kill.

"He's harmless." Edward laughs like he's told a joke "he just thinks you're pretty." He laughs again.

My cheeks turn as red as they possibly can, and I look back at Jasper, he looks as embarrassed as me, but I practically radiate with excitement at Edward's statement. I don't know why I am so excited, but I can feel it coursing through me. Scoffing in my mind as I think about Kate's fate, and wondering if this is fate spiting me.

"I'm no good at crushes." I warn Edward, trying my hardest not to look at Jasper.

"It's not like he's trying to make you fall in love with him, he just thinks you're pretty and is entirely too scared to talk to you. I'm being his wingman, Calina, how can you not see that." He rolls his eyes, giving me a subtle push towards Jasper.

It seems like everyone's eyes are suddenly on me as I make my way across the room towards Carmen's expensive white couch. In reality only Alice has turned to look at me, but conversation wanes until I finally reach him, giving him a small smile.

I sit down next to him, leaving quite the amount of space between us, and turn towards him.

"Hi." I smile softly, holding my hand out to him "I'm Calina."

I hold my breath as I wait for a response, and I wince when I realize he may not even want to talk to me, and Edward could have been lying to me all along.

Right when I'm about to drop my hand and storm upstairs irrationally to be with Kate, a cool hand is placed in my own, and I whip my head over, my eyes meeting dazzling golden ones.

"Jasper, it's nice to finally meet you." He smiles ever so slightly, and I'm taken aback by everything.

His hand seems to give me chills, and tingles, and his voice is so smooth, and southern that I just about choke.

"Hi." I dumbly state again, dropping his hand.

. . .

I lay down in Kate's bed after another episode of 'That 70's Show', looking over at her as she flips through a magazine, obviously not tired at all.

"Kate, do you think I'll ever be okay?" I roll to face her.

"Of course you will." She drops the magazine, she looks at me, but not with pity like everyone else.

"Allison said I've been having the nightmares again. I think it's because that stupid psychiatrist took me off of the pills."

She just looks at me with sadness in her eyes. She's been somewhat of a rock, and I know it's selfish to want her to walk with me through it all, but I need her. She's been my best friend since my freshman year here.

"Lina, what happened to your family was horrific, it is going to take time; you can't heal every bit of it in just a few months. My family and I are with you, and we will walk with you, I'm so sorry that I can't take it all from you."

Her hand finds mine, and I stare up at the ceiling, willing myself not to cry. I can be brave, I have been for four months. I know that eventually it will fade, and getting through a day won't be hard. I just long to no longer feel the pain.

"Just because Jasper thinks you look nice, doesn't mean he's going to hurt anyone around you. He isn't him Calina, he's a sweet boy, just lost."

"I'm tired of being scared." I whisper.

"Then don't be." Is the last thing I hear before an intense calm falls over me, and I fall into sleep with open arms.


	3. Part 1:3

"And so, when we start work in the dark room next week, you'll need the notes you took today to help with that first contact sheet. Remember to buy photo paper and have a roll shot by Monday." I finish lecture right as the bell rings and the class flees.

Turning my back to the room, I hurry to erase the scrawled notes I wrote on the white board. If I'm being honest I know that none of them listened to anything that I told them today, and their sheets will turn black from overexposure or be completely underexposed.

"So?" Edward muses, sidling over to me with a small smirk.

"Spit it out, Eddy." I fire back, focused on erasing any trace of me off of the whiteboard.

"Oh nothing, just wondering why Kate told Tanya you love Jasper." He smirks, and I roll my eyes again.

"Look Edward, I can't fall in love with, much less like, a boy I quite literally met a week ago. I don't know what it is with you people and fate, but fate doesn't exist." I snarl, erasing the board so hard it trembles along the wall.

"How can you live a life full of so little hope?"

His gaze is certain on me, and it breaches into me like he can take my thoughts and spin them to his liking. Like he could know more than he should with just one look.

"Well, when your 'fate' ends up being an axe murderer, come talk to me." I huff, slamming the eraser down on the tray, leaning heavily on the desk with my back to him so he can't see the panic on my face.

I can feel my chest constricting, white hot pain stabbing at my lungs, my mind wanders to that night. The horrific scene plays in my head like the cinema, and I can't get it to stop. I try to focus on anything, the tick of the clock, my breathing, even the drip on the water faucet, but nothing seems to calm me like it should.

"Lina?" Edward looks frantic, he's by my side just as I drop to the floor, curling up into the fetal position as I choke on air and tears.

Vaguely I hear the door open and someone coming to my side, their conversation is frantic, but I can't make it out.

Suddenly, someone is pulling me into a seated position, forcing me to breathe with them. It's like I can only focus on them, their breath becomes my own, and like I've been shot with sedative, my heart starts to calm.

I close my eyes, continuing to focus on breathing, as I do, the high feeling becomes more pronounced. When I'm not choking anymore, the arms around me disappear, and Kate's frantic voice invades my mind.

"Calina, oh my god. What did you do?" she seethes, and I can't help but guess that Edward is on the end of her anger.

They argue, and I just keep willing myself to stay breathing, suddenly missing the arms wrapped around me.

"Lina, can you stand now?" Kate finally asks, her hands cupping my face as she forces me to look her in the eye.

"Yeah." I respond shakily, using her to stand up and lean against the desk once again.

"Jasper, get out of here." Edward whispers lowly, and my eyes meet those of his.

Their golden hue sends a chill down my spine, and I find myself thinking unspeakable things about the handsome man in front of me. He looks utterly dead inside, drained of all emotion except for sadness. It seeps off of the both of us and seems to coat the room.

He seems angry as well, his fists are balled at his sides as he watches my every move carefully. Something in me wants to take away his pain, so that he never has to feel it again. The stress of that alone spikes my breathing, and he looks like someone has hit him with a bus.

"Jasper." Edward warns again lowly, and his eyes leave mine.

He leaves so quick that it catches me off guard. What is most surprising is the way the door flies off the hinges as it slams. My eyes widen as I watch his back disappear into the hallway of kids looking to leave school as quick as possible.

"Allison must be worried." I whisper, looking to Kate.

"Allison is fine." She assures me, giving me a small smile.

I nod at her, hoping that she is correct, but I know I'm more worried about Allie than she is for me. My heart clenches at the thought of anything terrible happening to her.

"Let's go home, ya?" Kate smiles, helping me off the desk and completely to my feet. Her tough exterior breaks as she gives me a soft smile and encouraging squeeze.

"Yeah." I repeat after her, nodding at Edward who looks completely conflicted, like he's fighting a battle in his mind.

Kate leads me out of school, meeting a worried Tanya out the door. She flutters behind us, distracting me with crazy stories of the people in her government class and gossip about Daniella Hall.

I know Kate is annoyed by her, but I find the distraction welcome. If Allison even catches wind of the panic attacks and nightmares she'll ship me off for sure this time. I can't leave here behind, the ties are rooted in me, and so Allison cannot know.

As we approach the car, I stop in my tracks, holding Kate tightly.

"Kate, please don't tell Allison. She won't understand." I look up at my best friend.

"You can't keep going on like this. I would rather lose a friend than lose your life." She responds stiffly and I swear my heart nearly stops beating altogether.

To my surprise it's Tanya who comes to my defense, staring at her sister with anger blazing in her eyes.

"Who are you to decide for her? If Calina thinks she is better here, then we have to respect that wish. There is too much at stake." Tanya glares at Kate, having a conversation through the blaze in her eyes.

"I won't tell this time, but I swear if I find you like this again, I'm going straight to Allison. I won't let you get bad again Lina." Kate sighs as we climb into my truck, Tanya departing towards her car.

Letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, I smile as I throw the car into reverse, excited to leave behind school.

The headlights of my car bounce off the snow beautifully, and I suddenly feel content.

Just when I think I'm going to be okay, a figure jumps out in front of my car, waving big at me. Skidding to a stop, I glare at Alice.

"I could have killed you." I yell at the little pixie as she flits over to my car.

"You didn't even come close to hitting me." She rolls her eyes "Anyways, we're going shopping, meet us at the mall?"

Incredulously, I look over at Kate, who just shrugs.

"We'll be there." She calls to Alice who claps and makes her way over to Rosalie where she stands impatiently by the car.

"What the fuck was that?" I hiss at Kate as we start driving out of the parking lot again.

"You start socializing again, or I'll tell Allison." She looks me dead in the eyes, and I know she's serious.

"I hate you." I growl as I turn around to head to the mall.

"I just want what's best for you." She whispers, looking out the window and into the deep darkness of the Alaskan sky.

I am silent for a moment, thinking everything over because if I don't I know I'll make a rash decision.

"I know."

. . .

"Oh my goodness, Calina, you have to try this dress on." Alice hands me a deep grey dress with the most elaborate beading I've ever seen.

"Alice, don't be silly, I'd have no place to wear it, and I'm not going to the dance. It would be foolish." I argue, holding out the dress to look at it better. It is most definitely beautiful, just not something that I would ever need.

"Just humor her, she won't let it go if you don't." Rose mutters next to me as she flips through a rack of pink dresses.

"Fine, Alice I'm trying it on, but I won't get it." I give her a sharp look, but her smile tells me she won't be letting this dress go.

I roll my eyes as I have in every store she's drug me into to try clothes on. I've ended up with more in the four bags I carry than I would like to admit all thanks to Alice.

Rosalie follows behind me to the dressing room absentmindedly, carrying her own pile of dresses. Something tells me she's following me for more than just the dresses.

I manage to avoid the dreaded conversation with her until the zipper on the back of the dress gets stuck and she has to come over into my room to zip me up.

"Edward mentioned what happened today after your class."

I can tell she's trying to be nonchalant about it as though it's nothing more than a passing comment, but she fails.

"Well, he shouldn't have." I know my tone is less than kind, but I don't take lightly to people around me sharing my personal information.

"He didn't tell me to gossip," she laughs a small chuckle "he told me because before Carlisle took me in, I had some rather traumatic things happen to me as well, and if you need a friend, or just someone to listen, I've got plenty of practice at it."

She finishes zipping me up, and I turn to face her with a small frown.

"Thank you, Rosalie, really." I assure her before taking a look at myself in the mirror.

Alice was right, the dress is beautiful, but without a place to wear it, buying it would be quite impractical.

Alice and Kate are both waiting in the waiting room of the dressing area when Rose and I both come out wearing dresses. Alice is clearly pleased with herself, and even Kate looks impressed.

"Oh my goodness." Alice squeals, her whole body practically bouncing "You have to get it Calina, its perfect."

I want to agree with her, but again remembering it's impracticality I turn to her with a frown "Alice, I would have nowhere to wear it to. It is beautiful, but I can't justify buying it for nothing."

Her face falls a bit, and then she starts grinning all over again.

"Jasper can take you to the dance." She talks faster and I stop listening, I'm frozen on the fact that she wants Jasper to take me.

"Alice." Rosalie hisses, clearly annoyed by the small girl's antics.

"Oh Rose, Jasper will never ask, he's too scared to say a word to her. I'm doing them both a favor." She rolls her eyes like her plan is foolproof.

"Alice, you promised you wouldn't intervene, and you're clearly freaking her out." Rose almost growls at her sister, glaring for the sake of her twin.

"I'm just giving them a little nudge, they can go with you and Emmett."

Rosalie just rolls her eyes, shoving by Alice to try on another gown.

"So it's settled, Jazz can take you." Alice grins, ushering me back to get dressed.

I take one last look in the mirror, and however fleeting, I imagine Jasper behind me, a big smile on his face, and I swear my heart leaps.


	4. Part 1:4

"No, no, no." Irina slaps her forehead, arguing with someone on the other line as she paces back ad forth. She's always been serious, but I've never actually seen her this upset.

"I wonder who pissed her off." I nudge Kate. She jumps, startled, and looks away from her sister and back to me.

"Yeah, wouldn't want to be on the end of that phone call." Tanya agrees, sitting down on the couch next to me as Kate absentmindedly flips through the channels.

My phone buzzes, and I sigh as I feild yet another text from Allison, no doubt asking me where I am.

"Allison again?" Tanya inquires, her golden curls bounce as she turns quickly to face me. Her mouth is drawn in a tight line as she watches me waiting for a response.

"Yeah, I just don't know how to deal with her right now, you know, with everything that has happened."

"Well you can't avoid her forever." Kate rolls her eyes, watching an angry Irina curiously.

"She thinks she's doing me some big favor, like her coming home for the first time in years makes her mother theresa or something."

The look Kate gives me tells me I'm dead wrong, and she's no doubt wondering how I can be so moronic. It's not easy really, but when everyone else left, and for some reason my body refused to give up, Allison came swooping in from Florida. She hadn't visited or called since I was twelve, and I simply cannot comprehend having to live under her rules simply because she's the only person left with some kind of familial claim.

"You know Carmen and Eleazar would have fought for you, had you let them." Tanya puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I lean into her.

While Kate and I have always agreed on more, and been joined at the hip, Tanya was the one who did everything and anything to pull me out of the rut I got stuck in four months ago. I had never appreciated her before, but now I can't imagine life without her.

"And you know I could have never allowed your family to suffer because of me."

"We wouldn't have suffered, Cal, you have always been our sister." Irina joins the conversation from behind us, and I turn to face her "But speaking of sisters, that was Allison, she needs you home now, and won't take no for an answer."

I sigh deeply, the pit in my stomach growing as I think about going back to the house that suffocates me.

"I'm sorry, I tried to tell her no, but she won't understand. You do need to remember that she is suffering as well, and she's trying, really trying." Irina smiles down at me.

"I know she is, and I love her, I do. I just wish she could understand why I hate being in that house."

Nothing more is said as I pick up my coat and head out towards the garage. When Carmen had the house designed, she thought they would be adopting another girl from New York or something like that, so they had an extra garage spot added for her. When the adoption fell through, I somehow just managed to claim the spot.

"Good luck." Kate calls to me, and I wave her off, getting in my car. Kate opens the door from where she stands at the door into the house.

I reverse down the drive slow, wishing that instead of driving back to my house I could just drive into Canada and disappear forever. I tried once, but Allison managed to have every sheriff department in the area block me off and bring me straight back home. I was less than pleased with her to say the absolute least.

The drive home is pleasant, snow swirls in intricate patterns in front of me. For once it's beautiful instead of the usual white out conditions snow in this area brings. Despite it being dark it's like the night is clear as day, and I can't help but be content with it's beauty.

Our neighborhood approaches in front of me, and the sadness locked deep within my heart seeps in as I look to the house in the middle of the long cul de sac.

I can't help feeling like the weight of this will someday crush me, or crush my spirit. Right now I'm hanging on by some kind of thread drawing me to live, but even that thread will not be as strong as the fear that grips me.

"Are you serious right now, Calina?" Allison shouts as soon as I walk into the foyer between the garage and living room.

"Lay off, Allison." I growl, trying to shove around her, but she stops me in my tracks and won't let me leave.

"You've been gone every waking hour since I got here, and that ends now." She throws her arms up, looking at me like I'm the must frustrating puzzle she's ever tried to solve.

"I don't have to listen to you, you aren't mom, and you never will be." I scream back at her, and I swear everything in the room freezes as we both watch each other.

"I don't have to be mom, Calina, I don't need to be mom to tell you that what you're doing to yourself, and to me, isn't healthy."

"Don't make this about you." My hair flies wildly, and I tug on the roots like that will somehow help me,

"You aren't alone in suffering, so stop acting like you're the only one who's hurting."

"Yeah, because losing the family you didn't talk to for five years hurts so bad." I roll my eyes at her, picking my coat back up.

"They were still my family." she cries, leaning on the back of the couch for support.

"Please, Sammy couldn't have even picked you out from a crowd if he tried." I know it's a low blow, but it still is her fault that she never even met our brother, never got to know him, or see the joy he brought to our family.

"And you don't think that hurts?" she sobs, and I don't feel anything for her.

"I don't think you hurt as bad as you should. I think you left me when I needed you, left our family when we needed you, and now I think you want to come back and grieve like you should. I think you want to pretend you were there for all of us because in some sick way it makes you feel better." I grab my keys again, unsure of where I'm going, but sure I don't want to stay here.

"Calina, wait, I tried to be there, I did." she pleads, but I feel numb.

"No, you didn't. I watched Allison, I watched it all happen, and you were off playing in the sand with some boyfriend who didn't even love you enough to wait for you to get me to eighteen."

When I finally leave, the dam breaks, and I cry and cry. It's been a months since I cried from anything other than the result of an anxiety attack, but as I drive I sob. I yell, and curse, and cry until I feel like my throat is being torn apart.

After almost swerving off the road twice, I pull into a diner just off the highway. Drying my tears the best I can, I step out into the snowstorm. The snow stings my eyes, and I run towards the safety and warmth of the diner.

The door jingles as I walk in, and I immediately feel at ease, recognizing a few older kids from school at a booth in the back.

"Just you today, sweetheart?"

I nod up at the older waitress, following her as she huffs and puffs to make it to the booth she seats me at. She leaves me shortly, assuring me that my waitress will be back soon.

I don't really need to look over the menu, knowing that I just want to start with a hot cup of coffee, and order food later.

"What are we having today, doll?" another older woman comes to my table, pen and paper poised and ready to take my order.

"I'll just have a cup of coffee to start." I smile up at her, trying not to look like I've just had the worst day of my life.

"Room?" she ignores my smile, and looks at me expectantly.

"No, thank you." I nod, and she walks toddles away, calling out something to the cooks in the back that I'm not interested in enough to listen to.

I look out the window, the storm is worsening, and I curse myself for coming out in this kind of weather. With my luck I'll be stuck here. The waitress brings me my coffee, and I lose myself in thoughts, sipping away as I think about what I'll do about Allison.

As I think I start to feel more and more guilty for leaving her as I did. She's probably still crying, and I really can't blame her for wanting to escape. When you get an out from a town like this, you take it. Otherwise you're stuck wishing you would have left long after the chance has passed.

"Excuse me." the southern drawl next to me makes me jump out of my skin, and as I do, I pour my coffee all down my front, yelping when the hot liquid seeps through my thick sweater and down the skin on my stomach.

Jasper, Edward's brother, and my apparent date to the upcoming dance stands frozen with wide golden eyes. After a moment he breaks his trance, panicking as he shoves me napkin after napkin, trying to help me blot away the coffee.

Once I finally get him to stop apologizing, he offers me the sweatshirt he has on over his shirt, and I graciously accept, telling him to sit before rushing to the bathroom to change.

Stipping out of my still scalding sweater, I almost immediately feel better. Jasper's dark blue sweatshirt is infinitely soft, and so warm, and I am grateful for the fact that he gave it to me. I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach as I look in the mirror at the hoodie than engulfs me.

I fold the coffee stained sweater and tuck it under my arm, walking back towards the table where Jasper now sits nervously playing with a salt shaker.

"I had her clean off the table, and get you more coffee, ma'am." he quickly blurts out as I sit, and I laugh lightly at how uncomfortable he looks.

"It's okay, I probably would have spilled it on myself at some point anyways." I grin, surprised when a chuckle escapes his lips, and upon my statement he visibly relaxes.

We fall into silence, and I can feel him studying me, but trying to be nonchalant about it.

"Don't worry, I won't panic like I did the last time you saw me." I finally get the courage to look up at him. He stiffens a bit at the mention of my panic attack, but it doesn't change anything about his beautifully drawn features. He looks like a model, someone who wouldn't be taking me to a dance, or moving to Alaska.

"I'd prefer to forget that." he mutters.

"Me too." I murmur as the waitress puts more coffee in front of me.

"Don't feel like you have to tell me why." he cocks his head, looking incredibly genuine about his statement.

"No, it's okay, everyone in town really knows, now I'm kind of an open book." I try to joke, but judging by the look on his face, I can tell that I'm failing.

"I want you to tell me when you're ready." he insists, and warmth rises to my cheeks as I realize just how much I appreciate his statement.

"Thank you." I whisper, and he smiles a crooked grin that makes my head spin.

"Just common courtesy." he replies like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"It's not as common as you would think." I laugh, and we fall into easy conversation with each other.

"So, where did you come from before you were adopted by Dr. Cullen?" I ask tearing off another bite of the chicken I finally ordered.

"Rose and I were adopted in Houston, Texas." he drawls, watching me eat my food.

"Wow, do you miss it?" I ask dumbly ignoring what Edward told me about Jasper and Rosalie's past.

"Sometimes I do, Rose misses it the most." he stiffens, and I feel bad for asking.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." I curse myself, feeling guilty, but he just smiles, and I'm quickly put at ease, the rapid beat of my heart slowing.

"No harm done, have you always lived in Alaska?"

"When I was little we lived in Seattle, but we moved here when my Dad had his job transferred." I shrug.

"I've never been to Seattle." he frowns.

"It's an okay place, we used to visit my grandma there until she passed away a few years back. It's not my favorite place in the world." I sigh, resting my chin in the palm of my hand.

We fall into silence again, but it feels nice. I've never felt more at ease with a person than I do with the boy in front of me.

"So, Alice roped me into the dance, I assume she forced you." Jasper finally chuckles, and I roll my eyes.

"She forced me to buy a dress, and now we have to go shoe shopping tomorrow." I sigh, but then smile over at him.

"I suppose I should properly ask you." he grins, taking my hand into his own.

His hands feel like they should be frostbitten as cold as they are, but I'm distracted by how handsome he looks, even sitting in this diner. Part of me wonders how I could even be this smitten when I've only properly had this conversation with him, but he's alluring, and my stomach erupts in another fit on butterflies.

"Calina Laraunt, would you give me the honor of being your date to the dance?" he looks hopeful, and nervous, and I smile at him softly, realizing how gentle he is being with me.

"Of course." I laugh, and he relaxes, giving me my hand back.

I don't know how long we stay chatting at the diner, but by the end of it, I most definitely have a schoolgirl crush on him, and it terrifies me.

They say history repeats itself, and I'm terrified that if I let him in, it will be a nightmare all over again. I'm terrified that if I let him in, I'll lose everything all over again.

. . .

 _Jasper_

"No, Edward, no part of her makes me want to drain her, but when I'm around her, I feel like I'm suffocating, and I'm scared that it's her. I'm worried that that's how she feels. How am I supposed to fix that?" I growl into the phone at my brother as I pace in the woods near her house.

"Jasper, what happened to her was horrific, and I know you don't want to know until she tells you, but you need to know that someone took everything from her. It was like Rose, only much worse." Edward's grave voice crackles through the speakers, and without answering I throw the phone against a tree, watching as it shatters and falls to the ground.

I watch the house, her figure passes her window as she gets ready for bed, and I swear to myself that she will never have to hurt again, even if I have to protect her ceaselessly.


	5. Part 1:5

I manage to avoid Allison altogether for the next few days, filling up my time with the Denali family more than even usual. Tanya seems ecstatic about it, glad to be able to take care of me again. I think she just needs a distraction from Edward who, to her absolute dismay, has been hiding from her almost as well as I've hidden from Allison. Kate threatening to dismember him may have helped that along as well.

Avoiding Allison has also seemed to draw me closer to the Cullen family, and away from Marlee and Anna.

I frown remembering our conversation before Kate intervened earlier today. I was going to sit with Marlee when Anna stopped me, claiming that if I had been ignoring them for the Cullen family for the past two weeks, then I obviously didn't need their friendship anymore.

It took me completely aback, and I just stood there until Kate stepped in and fought yet another battle for me. Now neither of them will talk to me, or really any of our other friends, so I've had to resort to just spending time with the Denali and Cullen families.

"No, Calina, not those shoes, I've seen them, and they looked hideous." Alice chirps, turning her nose up to yet another pair of perfectly good heels.

Rosalie lets out a sigh next to me, glaring at the back of her sister's head as she flits around in front of us picking up shoes and putting them back like some kind of whirlwind.

"My brother said you and him had coffee the other night." Rose grins next to me, although she doesn't have quite the enthusiasm Alice has about Jasper and I going to the dance, she still likes to tease me about it.

"It wasn't on purpose, he just came in and sat down." I frown, trying to keep a smile off of my face when I think about our diner conversation. Since then we've been texting sporadically, nothing big, but nothing little either.

"You're sweet on him." Rose gasps, stopping me from trying to follow Alice.

"Rose, I want to be, but you should know, I don't exactly have the best track record with that kind of thing." I warn, and her smile is replaced with the softest frown.

"Please Calina, let me in, I promise that we are more similar than you think." she pleads, waving off Alice who keeps walking when she realizes the severity our conversation has suddenly been overcome with.

I watch Rosalie, looking for any sign that she isn't as sincere as she could be. When I find none, I pull out my phone, opening the safari app, and typing the dreaded words I've avoided for four months.

 _Laraunt Family Murdered_

Article after article pop up, and I hold in my emotions as I scroll through them for a moment, reminding myself that it's still real.

" _Everett High Senior Jared Grant Charged with Murder"_

" _Laraunt Family Murdered in In-Home Invasion"_

" _Calina Laraunt: Lone Survivor after Grant Murders Entire Family"_

" _Break Up Murders to be Alaskan Courts Most Highly Charged Case"_

Rosalie takes my phone gently, scrolling through the articles just as I did moments before, and she freezes, looking through them with fire blazing in her eyes.

"Alice, get whatever shoes you think go well, Calina and I are going to the Food Court." Rose grabs my hand, leading me through the mall and down to the tables in the center of the building.

She continues to read at an inhuman pace when we sit down, and I sit in silence, thinking about anything but axes. It doesn't work, because as soon as I try, all I can think about are the screams, and how I could hear them from outside the house when I walked up the drive.

"I know that sorry does no good, but I am, and I wish that it could change it all. But it can't, so I want you to know that I'm here for you."

I meet her eyes, suddenly wanting nothing more than Jasper. I don't even know why, but his comforting presence is something I am craving.

"I wasn't supposed to even be there that night, I was supposed to be with Marlee, but we got in a fight, and I was storming home because my mom wouldn't answer her phone to pick me up because Marlee was supposed to drive me home." I pause, looking around the mall.

"You don't have to do this right now, Calina." Rose soothes me, but I continue.

"No, you need to know why I'm no good with boys, you have to understand, because I'm scared of letting myself fall for anyone maybe ever again." I grab her hand, it's ice cold "I walked in, and the screams got worse. I saw my brother first, he was four, and then I saw my parents. Then Jared saw me, and that's the last thing I remember." I lie easily.

I was hit in the stomach twice with the axe, and by the time the police came I had lost so much blood that most of my organs had started to fail since I wasn't getting enough oxygen. Something I will never forget is the pain. I felt everything, and I begged him to stop. He did, and shot himself. I spent three weeks in the ICU recovering, and another two weeks in rehab.

Rose looks like she's about to cry, or have a fit of rage, but she looks me dead in the eye anyways.

"Calina, I promise to you that my brother is a good man, one who was raised to protect those he cares for. Even if this is nothing, and nothing comes from the two of you after the dance, I can promise you that he would never hurt someone in that way. When he cares for a person, he cares deeply."

Her words hit me in the gut, protected is something I never truly felt around Jared, but I never would have thought that he would have been capable of what he did. My feelings for Jasper multiply, but I do not understand them, and that frightens me. I swore I would never again feel for a boy, or anyone who could get close enough to do me harm.

"Thank you, do you mind if I have him come to get me?" I whisper, crossing my arms tightly over my stomach.

"Of course not, Alice already found out your shoe size from Tanya, and I don't think you were going to have any say in what pair you're going to wear anyways." Rosalie jokes, but the light doesn't reach her eyes.

I laugh a little, knowing that she's probably right, and then send her back with Alice, reassuring her that I'm fine. She must sense that I just need a little time, but I am glad she asked me to tell her. Irina has begged me to stop bottling things up for so long now, and it did feel like I could breathe better around Rose after I told her. Being secretive has it's perks, no one pities you when they don't know, but it also feels like you're lying to those closest to you.

I close out of the articles on my phone quickly so that I don't have to see which one Rosalie chose to read. Slowly making my way to my messages, I press call next to Jasper's name on the phone.

The phone only has to ring once and a worried "hello." crackles through the phone.

"Jasper, can you come pick me up from the mall?" I ask, playing with the hem of my shirt.

"Of course, can you give me five minutes?" he sounds like he's running around grabbing things.

"Yeah," I whisper, feeling my own sadness trying to grasp my heart "Jasper, can you stay on the line, please?"

"Yes, of course, what shall we talk about?" I can almost see his grin, and it makes me want to smile.

"Something good, and happy." I smile into the phone as I walk towards the front doors of the mall.

"Well, today in my Government class two people got in a fist fight."

"That's not good." I giggle.

"Well, then you tell me something good Miss Laraunt."

"Well, Rosalie vouched for you just a moment ago." I laugh lightly, knowing that he will probably be embarrassed.

"Oh God." he mutters.

"It was a good thing, Jasper." I laugh "a really good thing."

"I'm here." he sighs, then lets out a laugh that makes my heart leap.

"Okay, I'm walking out now."

I smile when I see him tapping along on the top of his steering wheel, it's probably to some silly country song from decades ago, and that makes me smile even wider.

"Well hello Miss." he drawls when I open the door, escaping the frigid cold for the warmth of my car.

Almost immediately the worries and the sadness and the fear from my conversation earlier seep away. I sigh in contentment.

"Hi Jasper." I smile, sinking into the seat of his fancy car.

"Home?" he asks slowly, as he turns out onto the street.

"Can we just drive?" I ask tiredly, leaning over onto the console and resting my chin on my palm.

"Your wish is my command." he grins goofily, and I smile up at him, scared by how I feel so drawn to him.

We drive around for awhile, until I feel I need to at least tell him why he had to come get me.

"I told Rose some parts of what happened to me last May, and I want to tell you a little part of it, because I know I'm not ready to tell you the entire story, but before whatever is happening developes more, you deserve an out." I frown, my bravery disappears as he pulls over to look me in the eye, waiting for me to tell him.

"My last boyfriend murdered my family after I broke up with him." I stop looking him in the eye, and instead look at the snow darkness outside.

Even Jasper can't seem to lift the heaviness in the car, and as I start to cry, his arms wrap around me, and I sob into his chest.

We stay there, frozen in an embrace like two lone survivors in the Alaskan wilderness, and for once I don't suffocate, instead I just barely stay above water, clinging to him like he's a lifeline.


	6. Part 1:6

It was almost three weeks after our fight when Allison finally came into my room one dark evening. With Jasper and I's friendship budding as well as a newfound confidant in Rosalie, neither Allison nor I have had to do much to avoid each other completely. Of course it hasn't just been me, Allison has been spending more and more time working, and less and less time bothering with mending our already crushed relationship.

"Lina." Allison pats the comforter just next to where my legs are cuddled up under the warm blanket.

I take my headphones out slowly, doing everything that I can to avoid the awkward conversation that I am bound to have with her.

"Yeah?" I mutter, childishly continuing to do my literature homework.

"I think we need to talk." she sighs, looking down at the ground before continuing "I know I haven't always been around, and I am sorry for skipping away and never coming back. I know that I never appreciated mom and dad like I should have, and I definitely have not been appreciating you as much as I should be. Calina, I almost lost you. I almost lost everything."

I let it soak in, had Allison been around, I could have lost her too, and that is a scary thought. We both mull things over, and I think that in this moment we realize that we truly are the only parts of our lives that have remained constant.

"We have to stick together, don't we?" I finally speak, making eye contact with her for the first time. For so long I've been focused on my own losses, writing off those of Allison because of her move. She lost a family as well, and for a while she even lost her sister.

"Always. Calina, I will not leave you again. I know my word doesn't mean much right now, but I swear it." She clasps her hand in mine, and I offer her a small smile.

"I promised some friends from work that I would go grab a drink with them tonight, we just got a high profile company on board with a deal, so the whole office is going out for some celebratory alcohol." She frowns "But if you want me to stay, I definitely can, and I can go get us some Chinese or something." She adds quickly.

I laugh lightly, taking my hand back as I study my sister. She looks like she's aged five years in the past four months, and it saddens me to think that she's had to give up her dream firm to finish raising me where mom and dad left off.

"Go, Allison, celebrate with them. I'm going over to the Cullen's house later anyways." I encourage her.

"Oh, so you're going to see your little boyfriend then?" she teases.

"He's not my boyfriend." I groan, rolling my eyes at the smirk plastered on her face.

She jumps off my bed, tossing a whimsical "yet." Over her shoulder giddily.

I go back to finishing my literature, glad that I don't have our fight hanging over my shoulders anymore. By the time I've finished, Allison is long gone, and Alice has sent me about a thousand texts asking me when I'm coming over.

I roll my eyes at her antics, texting her to let her know that Jasper can come get me whenever he wants. Her response is so quick that I almost worry for her sanity, but I know it's just Alice, and the way that she operates.

 _I'm on my way over._

A message from Jasper lights up the tiny screen on my phone. I don't bother responding, knowing that he's going to come over either way.

The knock on the door ten minutes later confirms that thought, and I push my way out of my bed, blushing when I realize I don't have time to change the sweatshirt I've been nestling myself into for the past month that Jasper gave me in the diner.

I nearly throw myself down the stairs, flinging the door open to let Jasper in. Instantly every part of my being feels safe, and I wrap him up in a hug. He holds me close, resting his chin on top of my head. Part of me wants to just stand here forever.

Jasper chuckles when he tries to release me, but I just keep holding on.

"Do we have to go over tonight?" I ask him, pouting as I glance up at him.

He has a charming grin on his face, and he laughs at me antics. His eyes search mine, and I wish I could just know what he's thinking even for a moment.

"Your wish is my command." He sweetly replies, and I take his cool hand into my own.

"You're so cheesy." I tease as I lead him to my room up the stairs.

"Only for you." He jokes, but part of me jealously wishes that I am the only girl he's cheesy with.

Since the night in the car, my feelings for Jasper have increased tenfold, and it utterly frightens me. It doesn't frighten me when he's with me, but as soon as he leaves those doubts start to plague me, and I wish that instead of being away from him and worrying, that I could just spend every moment of my time with him. That thought is even more terrifying. I've never been one to fall quickly, and even if it has been over three weeks of friendship already, I am still scared.

Jasper nudges my hand with his own, getting me to look up at him. He cocks his head like he's wondering exactly what is happening in my head, but he doesn't say a word. I take that as my chance to distract him from my worry.

"So, since we're going to play hooky tonight, what should we do?" I smile up at him, jumping onto my bed. He watches me with an undiscernible look, but still grins when I continue to bounce up and down on the bed.

"Whatever you would like, I'm open to anything."

"Well, I have lots of DVDs." I jump off the bed, elated that he has chosen to stay with me.

"Alright then." he sits stiffly on the chair at my desk, watching me fumble through my DVD shelf of the built in along my wall.

"Jurassic Park, Blair Witch Project, The Lion King." I start listing off a few movies to him, throwing them out onto my bed "Titanic." I add another to the list, and he chuckles.

"What a wide range of movies." He smirks, looking a bit more comfortable.

"Well, are you feeling horror, or dinosaurs, or space I have the new Star Wars movie in here, or tragedy?" I rush out, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet as I wait for his answer.

"I really am open to anything, although I've never seen Jurassic Park." He admits sheepishly, and I gasp, grabbing the movie quickly.

"You have to see it, when I was little, I was obsessed with Dinosaurs, and it's super cheesy, but you'll love it." I ramble as I put the movie into the player, turning on the TV across from the bed.

"Great." He murmurs, watching me fumble and trip over literally anything I can.

I start to calm down when the DVD is finally in the player, and I smooth out my shirt, turning to smile at the blond boy who's watching me like I'm the most fascinating thing he's ever encountered.

"So, movie time." Turning off the lights I sit down on my bed, nestling myself into the blankets and pillows my mom insisted were totally necessary when we redid my room a year ago. Frowning lightly at the memory, my eyes flit over to Jasper who looks incredibly uncomfortable.

He's leaned back in the chair, his arms crossed, and his face drawn in a tight line like he's focused on something beyond just the movie.

"Jasper, you can come sit on the bed with me." I pat the spot next to me, even if he doesn't want to be in my space, the bed is still plenty big for him to at least be comfortable.

His focus breaks and he looks over at the spot next to me, his golden eyes flickering in the changing light of the preview playing softly on the television. If I was the superstitious type, I would believe that his beautiful features are in no way human.

"Are you sure? The chair is okay." He looks nervous, like he's worried I don't actually want him next to me.

"Stop trying to be such a gentleman, and get over here." I laugh, pulling back the blankets to give him room.

He chuckles, and takes me up on my offer just as the menu pops up on the screen. My heart beats a mile a minute when his arm brushes against mine, and I swear I feel like I could explode from the electricity of his touch.

"Welcome to Jurassic Park, Jasper." I whisper, pressing play and cuddling into my blankets.

"I've always wanted to go." His head dips to whisper in my ear, lips impossibly close to my ear. A wave of nerves and excitement courses through me, but almost as quickly as it comes, it's gone.

We watch the first part of the movie without words, every time I look over at him, he's more enraptured by the dinosaurs and movie than before. I can't help but smile as I watch his facial expressions fluctuate as the movie lurches onward.

I know he must feel my gaze on him, but he doesn't embarrass me by saying so. Part of me wonders if feeling like I could sit and be content with watching him forever, but I write it off, knowing that even the thought of it is absurd.

"You're watching me more than the movie." Jasper finally states as the T-Rex maims yet another person.

"Sorry, I just." I can't find the words to explain how unhealthily infatuated I have become with every little thing he does.

"Don't understand?" he finishes for me, turning to look down at me with his handsome golden eyes.

"Yeah." I mutter, playing with my hands to distract myself from his gaze.

He doesn't say anything, just wraps his arms around me and holds me gently. My heart works into overdrive, and I want nothing more than to stay locked in his arms forever.

"Time is all it will take." He promises, and even though I don't fully understand what he means, I'm comforted by his words.

I wrap myself up tighter in his arms, and rest my head on his chest, unable to see the screen anymore. It doesn't even bother me, because for the first time in four months, I want sleep to engulf me.

"Jazz?" I murmur as my eyes start to close.

"Yeah?" he whispers back, tucking some of the hair that has fallen into my face back behind my ear.

"I think I have a massive crush on you."

He laughs the most genuine and beautiful laugh I've ever heard, and runs his cool fingers down my cheek.

"I know I have a massive crush on you Calina Laraunt."

My heart soars, and my body sleeps, completely unprepared for the night ahead. It's like being with Jasper makes me forget the darkness, but even Jasper cannot make the darkness forget me.

Sometimes, the most predictable things can be completely unpredictable.


	7. Part 1:7

_Calina_

When I first woke up after the horrible incident, all I heard was how lucky I was that I was alive. How happy the nurses were that I pulled through, and how surprised the doctors were that I even woke up.

They waited a week before they told me the true extent of the damage to my abdomen. It was then that I finally felt the pain. As they explained liver transplants, and how they had to shorten my intestines, and how they were looking for a lung, the pain hit.

They shot me up with so much dilaudad that I couldn't even move. Even then I still screamed from the pain, for a week I had been locking the pain away, and when it was unleashed it hit me with fury. Instead of finishing the transplant conversation with me, they spoke with Allison in hushed tones outside the door.

The funny thing about transplants, you never know when your body is going to finally reject your new organ.

. . .

 _Jasper_

"Jasper, get out of here."

I could hear them, I could see Calina, I could feel everything as it coursed through her, it suffocated me, but more than anything else, for the first time, I smelt her blood, and my mind could not be tamed.

All those year I spent living off of human blood came crashing down on me. For a moment in time, I wanted nothing more than just a taste of her. Just a drop, or her whole being, I couldn't tell.

Emmett and Edward had to drag me out of the room, but I continued to lust after the blood coursing through her veins. I fought them, trying my hardest to get to her. That was when Kate electrocuted me so hard I couldn't do anything but twitch for a few minutes.

Now, I sit outside Carlisle's office, waiting for him to tell me anything about her. I didn't notice it at first, I figured she was simply too cold from lying next to me, but when I pressed my lips to her forehead as I got ready to leave, I realized she was much too hot. Burning, in actuality.

With Allison still away, I called Carlisle, who told me it was probably just a side effect of the immunosuppressant. I wasn't convinced, but listened as he told me to watch for other symptoms, seeming to know something I didn't.

She looked sickly, her skin taking on a yellow hue as I watched her. It was her scream that rattled me, and as she lost control and thrashed, she begged me to take it away, or anyone for that matter. I wanted nothing more than to take it away.

Carlisle had heard her cries through the phone and rushed to aide me, but by the time he got there, her control was lost, and for the first time I truly smelt her blood. It was as though all the control I had built up were crushed.

"Jasper." Carlisle's grave voice breaks me from my thoughts.

"How is she?" I whisper, knowing that everyone in this house can hear me, and I don't want Rose to hear, she will only hate me more.

"Stable."

I look to him, and know that this stable is not the end of the grave news, and is no reason to celebrate.

"Jasper, her body is rejecting her liver. I have her sedated, but over time the anti-rejection meds she is taking will stop working. Her lungs aren't much better, I drained the fluid from her abdomen, her left kidney has an extensive infection, and I cannot fix it with antibiotics. I'm taking her to the hospital, I believe that it must be removed. She will be able to live like this, but it will not be for long." He takes a breath, looking at me with saddened eyes, and I feel his grief for me and even my mate.

"How long?"

"Son, I do not have that answer. What I will tell you is that you must appreciate this last bit of human life she has, and you must decide Jasper, she may not have the chance to make the choice herself."

The weight of his words hit me like a train, and if I were human I would be sick knowing that she unknowingly has trusted me without understanding that what I am will eventually kill the life she has. Just thinking about it is enough to make me want to crumble.

I sit back down in my seat, thinking back to all the times I turned humans without regret, only to kill them a year later. Calina has done nothing to deserve the monster that I am.

"If you turn her without telling her, I will never forgive you, and neither will she."

I look over to face my sister, the girl who has played my twin for years, and I feel nothing but anger and hatred radiating off of her. Even I cannot suppress it.

"Rosalie, what am I to do? She doesn't know of us, and she will die if I do not, do you not see that?" I growl.

"She will hate you."

With that, she is gone, and I wish I could follow her to the hospital, but I know that I cannot, the blood will be too much, and again I curse myself for being a monster unlike my brothers and sisters.

I stand, grabbing the chair from under me, and smashing it into the wall. I want to tear everything apart, want to tear myself apart. She is dying, and I can do nothing.

Walking to the balcony, I jump from the platform and run deep into the wilderness, wishing the earth could swallow me up, I leave a path of destruction, destroying everything around me, just as I always do.

She will hate me.


	8. Part 1:8

**This may seem odd, probably because I do not want to follow the typical path that has been created for these kinds of stories. This story will be more about her journey, as well as a completely different relationship that she will have with Jasper since they have such a complicated story from the start. Please be patient, I promise that this will be quite the ride to stay on.**

I don't remember much from the night Jared Grant murdered my family, there are flashes, and moments of time where my mind briefly comprehended the medic's calls for me to open my eyes. I can remember the moment they called my brother's time of death 22:14:46. I can remember the lights from the ambulance as they rushed me from the house.

The two things I can remember wholly from that night are the intense amounts of pain that rushed to my brain before they got a load of ketamine in my body, and the hatred I felt for Jared.

I had never hated him before. He was what my mother described as a very lost boy. He had bounced between his mother and his father for the first fourteen years of his life, and neither house was great. His dad was abusive, and his mother an addict. He was fourteen when he moved to Alaska to be with his aunt.

We started dating at fifteen to my family's displeasure. I'm not sure what made my mom angrier, his possessive attitude towards me, or how deranged his mood often was. Of course I never saw how manic he could be until the night he murdered everything that mattered to me. Before that time, he swore I was everything that anchored him to the earth, and I fell for that wholeheartedly.

I didn't watch his trial, refused to speak in it, even to witness. The state still decided to prosecute, knowing that an ax murderer wasn't exactly someone they wanted roaming the streets on the search for a new girlfriend.

I never thought that something like this would happen to me, but life is weird, and sometimes things are just inevitable.

. . .

"Calina?" a knock on my door wakes me from my drug induced slumber, and I open my eyes slowly.

They're still heavy, even though I woke up yesterday and have been sleeping ever since. It seems like now I can barely even stay awake for more than one conversation.

"Cali?" Tanya tries again, moving closer to me. I am barely able to murmur out a soft response, closing my eyes again. She sighs audibly, and I hear her simply sit down next to me, her hand moving to stroke some of the hair in my eyes away from my face.

She continues to stroke my head, her cool hand soothes my pounding head. My fever broke a bit last night, but came back up this morning. The medicine is only making me feel worse, and I cannot have more morphine for another hour.

"When are you going to get better?" Tanya whispers, more to herself than me.

I can't bring myself to respond the answer that we both know to be true. I won't be getting better, and as much as my doctors try to be optimistic, if the my fever doesn't get better, and my antirejection meds continue to work less, I will be dead before I can even finish the month, or much less the next year.

"Jasper isn't back yet, but he wanted you to know that he wishes he could be here."

He left after sending me off after a family emergency in Texas. Rosalie refused to return home, insisting that she was much closer to me than her Great Aunt Tracey anyways. Apparently Jasper was much more close to Tracey than his sister.

"Calina, we all want nothing more than for you to be better. I just wish we could have caught this quicker, maybe we could have reversed it, I even wish I could have caught him quicker too. I just never thought, you know." She trails off, her hand reaching my own.

I want to tell her that she could have never known to prevent what happened, or that I have never blamed anyone for not getting there quick enough. I will be forever in debt to the person who called the police when they did, but I am not daft enough to think that they could have called quicker. The only person I blame is myself for not believing everything my mother tried to make me understand about the way Jared controlled me.

"How is she?" another person enters the room, and I can tell it's Rose just by the way the heels on her boots click against the cool tile.

"Awake, but too tired to talk." Tanya sighs, squeezing my hand again.

"Hey Cali." Rose whispers, sitting down on the bed next to my legs.

"She looks less yellow today."

"Alice, she's awake." Rosalie hisses in the direction of the door and new voice who made the observation about my color.

"Sorry Calina, if it makes you feel any better, it's a beautiful shade of yellow." Alice chirps, and I hear a chair scrape towards my bed, Alice no doubt sitting down in it.

"Where's Kate today?" Rose asks after a pregnant pause of silence in the room.

"She's a bit upset today, Eleazar took her out to hunt to get some of her anger out." Tanya replies quietly, I open my eyes a bit to see her typing away on her phone.

"Hey Calina." I look over to Rose as she speaks, trying to give her a smile.

"Hey." I mutter, but I think it sounds more like a moan.

"Don't strain yourself." She whispers to me, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"Jasper." I mutter, wanting him more than anything in the world. Without him it seems that I'm much less at peace, and I crave the feeling of safety and calm his presence alone brings me.

"What?" Alice asks, looking over to me.

"Jasper." I whisper again, wishing that they wouldn't have put me on so many drugs.

The door to my room again opens, but I can't make out who has walked into the room, closing my eyes I try to stay awake so that they get the message. The next time I try to say his name, it comes out more garbled than the first two times.

"She wants Jasper."

Edward is the mysterious person who entered the room, and I can't help but hope that something happens with him and Tanya to at least entertain me. Listening to the Food Network all day has come to be mundane already.

"I wish he could be here." Alice soothes from beside me, I'm barely able to look over at her before my eyes shut, and I fall asleep.

It only seems like moments later that I awake, the television playing another episode of Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives in the background, but the bed is much more comfortable than I remember, and the room much less bright and sterile looking. Groggily I try to move, ignoring the pain in my abdomen where they took my kidney.

"Hey, hey, hey, Calina, don't move." Someone stops me from moving around too much.

"Where am I?" I murmur, still trying to sit up, I feel much better than before, but still under the weather.

"You're here at the Cullen house." The voice coming from the hands holding me still is someone I barely recognize, and definitely isn't a nurse.

I stare at her, watching as she smile warmly down at me and fixes the blankets that cover me.

"Yes sweetheart, Carlisle thought you would be more comfortable here where he can take care of you, and since Allison is gone and a big storm is coming, he insisted so that you wouldn't get trapped at the hospital, that's proven to be a nightmare more than once apparently." She explains, and my heartrate spikes, I'm not sure I'm ready to trust the family this much, and now I've been forced to.

"Esme?" I ask, hoping I've got her name right.

"Yes?" she cocks her head at me, waiting for my question.

"Is Jasper home?"

Her face flashes with a frown for a moment before she smiles gently.

"I'll see if he's back yet, you stay here and get some rest. I'll send Edward up to see you, he spoke of how he misses you during his photography class today." She nods, still seeming troubled by the mention of Jasper.

"Thank you." I force a smile out at her as she leaves the room, the cheerfulness is sucked out with her and I sigh.

Looking up at the television, I watch as the frosted tip man goes over Captain Crunch French Toast with another chef, a plate that to me looks like diabetes with syrup on top.

Edward's chuckle breaks me from my trance, but turning my head away from the television hurts, so I keep it in place.

"Esme says you're feeling a bit better?" Edward nods at me.

"A little, yeah." I frown "Edward, where did Allison go?"

"Business in Miami, something about the newest client and paperwork. Her flight has been delayed because of the storm." His bronze eyes flicker to mine, and he sits down in a large chair that has been drug over next to the bed.

"Oh." Is all I can bring myself to respond, and I stare at the television again.

Something isn't fully right about this situation, and I can't put my finger on it, or wrap my mind around it, but it's there. Jasper leaving, and everyone's odd habits as well as Carlisle pulling me from the hospital.

My stomach starts to ache, and I can feel myself chilling again, I don't have to be a doctor to know that something is not right.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" my voice rings out in the room, and I think he stopped breathing.

"Calina, I," he's cut off by the door being sprung open.

Wild dark eyes stare down at me, and for the first time since I met Jasper Hale, I feel fear.

"Jasper." Edward warns lowly, staring at his brother.

"I can make it Edward, please, I have to see her." Jasper growls, taking a step towards me.

Edward looks towards me, his face falling, and he sighs, standing from the chair he nods at his brother, and looks to me before leaving the room silently.

"Jasper?" I whisper, unsure of the way he's looking at me.

"Calina, I am so sorry." He tries, taking a step towards me.

"Jasper, what's going on?" I try again, but my eyes grow heavy, the pain medicine wearing off as my stomach aches worse.

"Calina, I want to take your pain away." His face contorts as he sees the pain flash on my face.

"But you can't."

He looks at me like everything about this conversation is hurting him worse than even the pain that's plaguing me.

"I can, and I'm so sorry."

I can feel the burn of pain medicine as it courses through my body. It's too much, and my eyes start to close.

One boyfriend killed my family, and another is going to kill me.

. . .

 _Rosalie_

"Carlisle, what have you done?" I shout, slamming our ornate door behind me.

"Rosalie, please." Esme warns, begging me to stop with her eyes.

"She is dying Rose, infection spread all over, and we couldn't find a transplant for her liver. The technology here is not as high quality as I expected, and by the time we found the problem at the hospital, it was too late. She was dying." Carlisle tries to explain, but I feel myself alight with anger.

A scream from upstairs startles us all, and I freeze, turning to look at the rest of my family and the Denali clan. They all seem to have accepted her fate. Alice has been warning us all week that she is dying, that her will to live is not strong enough to survive the infection, and that her time would come when her skin looked grey and yellow, and infection coursed through her blood as well. I give them all a cold look, listening to her beg Jasper to stop.

"She's dying either way."


	9. Part 1:9

There were things I never pictured happening before Jared Grant waltzed into my life as I filled my tray in the cafeteria sophomore year in high school.

I always pictured myself growing up and getting the heck out of Alaska, far away from a state that spends most of the day in darkness for part of the year. I thought I would ride off into the sunset, and as much as I hated to admit it, I always pictured myself following Allison. I wanted to escape to the ocean, and run just as she had.

It all changed when my eyes met his across the cafeteria, and suddenly I wanted to live in some cottage across the state where wilderness overpowered the city with him. I was completely delusional, something my father continually pointed out to me as often as he could.

I couldn't picture Jared hurting my family, just like I never imagined Jasper hurting me.

Rosalie

"Carlisle, it's been two days already, are we sure she's going to turn?" I sigh, running my fingers over the blanket Alice unnecessarily placed over her yesterday morning.

"She's still feeling pain; I can hear it." Edward states, pacing in the corner.

"Of course she will, I've seen it."

Since the bite, Alice has gone on as though adding a newborn to our coven is completely typical.

"You get things wrong all the time." I scoff, looking down at Calina again.

Emmett places his hand on my back, soothing me sweetly, but all I can feel is anger towards our family for putting an innocent girl, a human, through something she may not even want. Only Kate and Edward seem to share the same sentiments as mine. Though Tanya and Irina were upset at first, they both came to accept the new member of one of our covens.

I look down at Calina again, knowing that when she wakes, she will never have the life she craved again. During the first hours, she screamed, and I thought Jasper was going to beg us to kill him as self-detrimental as he was being. Luckily, he just broke lots of things and tried to take on all her feelings so she wouldn't have to feel them. That just made his mood worse.

If he would have asked me to kill him, I would have ripped him apart, but he did not. I just tried to send him as many hateful emotions as I could.

After those hours, her screams stopped, although I could see the grimaces flash across her sickly face.

"Rose, she will wake." Carlisle assures me "Her heartbeat is fainter ever hour that passes. I have no doubt that she will be up within the day."

"If you believe so." I lean back in my chair, watching over her and the rest of the family.

Kate and Edward are now whispering in the corner, but I do not care to pick up on their conversation.

"I know you do not approve of this Rose." Emmett whispers in my ear, taking my hand into his.

"I don't." Is all I can muster, looking over at Jasper.

"She was going to be one of us someday anyways, don't keep torturing our family simply because you wish she could have a different fate. Who knows, she could love it." He shrugs, kissing my cheek lightly.

"I just wish she could have gotten a choice."

Jasper takes his eyes off his mate, looking up to me like he wishes the same. He's grown rather sickly looking, even for a vampire, over the past few days. He just stares at me, or through me, either way it makes no difference.

Curling against Emmett, we all watch Calina, each of us waiting as her heart slows.

What seems like hours later, there is a falter in hear heart, one we all hear, and I look over to Edward with wide eyes. He nods at me, and I know that it is time.

"She's starting to feel less pain, and she's scared because her heart is stopping." Edward murmurs quietly, taking a step back from her bed.

"Is she unhappy?" Esme asks the question we've all been waiting to hear the answer to.

Her fingers start to twitch, and my chest feels impossibly tight for a being with no need for air.

Jasper's head snaps up, and he gives us the answer with more pain on his face than I have ever seen.

"Yes, she's unhappy, incredibly so."

Emmett pulls me back with the rest of our families, leaving Jasper as the sole person by her side, and as he does, the silence we have all been waiting for hits like a hurricane.

She doesn't even open her eyes before jumping up, leaping into a corner faster than I can even think. Her face contorts as she takes in the people all around her, and unconsciously she seems to calm as she picks up on Jasper standing in front of her, before she looks purely pissed.

"No." she cries, running her hands over her body and looking to Jasper "You did this. Why?"

No one in the room dares to move a muscle, and my heart aches as I watch her sob tearless cries. Somehow her screams now are more haunting than even before.


	10. Part 1:10

**Hi Pals,**

 **If you are reading this, I hope you are well. I am currently at Mayo Clinic searching for some medical answers and doing lots of testing, so I haven't been as active as I would have liked over the past week. I promise to start up again soon. I hope you are enjoying this silly story.**

 **Stay well, stay strong. Love to all.**

"Calina?" my eyes dart to the boy in front of me, and I stop my screams momentarily, every part of him makes me want to melt, but all I can remember is the pain he brought me, and how he turned me into whatever I am now.

"What did you do?" I growl again, my throat aching and burning as I look around to the rest of the people in the room, instantly feeling betrayed by those closest to me.

"Calina you were dying." Jasper states calmly, holding his hands up to me as he approaches "I couldn't let you die."

"Like hell you couldn't. What you've done to me, it's not natural. Turn me back." I glare at him, wishing I could just strangle the life out of him, but I don't even know if that would work, since he seems to be whatever I now am; lifeless.

"I told you she would hate you."

My eyes snap over to Rosalie, she looks pleased with my distress, and shoots me a sad smile before returning a scathing gaze to Jasper.

"Rose." Carlisle tries, but I don't want her to stop, I want her to fight for me.

"For the record, they waited until I was out hunting to turn you. I wanted you to stay human." She remarks snidely, obviously disgusted by the actions of the family.

"She was dying." Jasper tries again.

"She should have had a choice." Rosalie's voice is ever so low as she glares dauntingly past me. She shoves away from Emmett, and takes off so fast I can barely see her out the balcony window and into the woods.

I watch the people around me, my eyes brushing over each of them. There are little things I've never noticed about them, like the way Kate's eyes seem to spark in the light, or golden red hue of Edward's hair.

"What am I?" I finally whisper "What are all of you?"

Tanya winces, looking over to Irina with a frown but neither of them make a move to tell me. I turn my gaze to Alice who doesn't seem to be bothered at all, but even she doesn't say anything. Finally, I look back to Jasper, my eyes darting over him lightly before Esme breaks my spell.

"We will give you two time." Esme nods, taking Carlisle's arm and leading him out of the room.

"I'm so sorry." Kate whispers as she passes me, but my anger is not directed to her.

Smiling tightly at her I grab her hand and lightly squeeze it, trying to tell her not to worry too much about it.

As soon as the others leave the room, my glare returns tenfold. He shrinks under my gaze, visibly deflating as I watch him closely.

"Calina, I wish I could have told you, I really do." Jasper starts, and I cross my arms at a speed most unnatural.

He stops for a minute as though he's unsure of his words, but I just want him to say anything. The ache in my throat increases tenfold as we stare at each other.

"You must be hungry." He finally murmurs in an awkward attempt to distract me, and my anger rises.

"Thirsty, actually." I correct him, and he just nods "But I can wait. Tell me what I am." I growl, glaring at him like I could just pull the information from his brain.

"Vampire." His eyes finally meet mine.

I want to laugh, I want to tell him that he's delusional, but all I can do is shout at him.

"What the fuck, Jasper, what the actual fuck. You're crazy, fucking psychotic." I yell, and from somewhere in the house I hear a booming laugh.

"Calina, you have to believe me." He pleads, and I close my eyes, grabbing my head angrily.

"No, I don't. Why should I believe anything you say about me? You fucking overdosed me on pain medicine. I'm dead, this is hell, and I'm dead." I try to convince either one of us, but I manage to only convince myself that maybe he isn't as crazy as he seems.

"It was only in attempt to keep the pain at bay." He winces.

"Yeah, because that worked so spectacularly." I growl, wishing I could just punch him square in the face, he just continues to look small under my scathing glare "I trusted you, I trusted you."

He turns his head away from me and to the ground, watching the tendrils of carpet with extreme interest.

"I trusted you." I whisper, and if I could cry, I would.

"I'm so sorry Calina, I couldn't let you die."

"You could have, you're a selfish man, Jasper Hale, if that's even your name." I don't have the heart to fight with him anymore, wishing he would just leave.

He takes one last look at me with such adoration, but it just makes me feel sick.

"I'll send Rosalie up, I assume she's the only one of us you want." He sighs, shutting the door of the bedroom softly.

I stand, walking around the room, attempting to keep a normal pace, but it doesn't seem to work very well. It feels completely unnatural to slow down, and I find I must completely do everything in slow motion before it even begins to look somewhat normal.

"Hey Cali." Rose pokes her head into the room, a tinkling laugh escaping her lips when she realizes what I'm doing.

"Hi." I whisper, my voice not even sounding like my own.

"It gets better, eventually moving slow becomes completely natural." She assures me.

"So, you're a vampire too then?" I frown, deflating a bit when I realize the severity of my situation.

"Yes, but not by my choice." She sighs, "But that's a story for a much different time, you need to hunt."

"Like with a gun? I don't know how to shoot."

She laughs, rolling her eyes "It will come naturally, don't worry."

"Oh." Is all I can mutter, and I move to follow her.

"Wait, you haven't even seen yourself yet."

Rose grabs me by my hand, tugging me towards the long mirror that covers a portion of the wall in a far corner.

"Here." She smiles, pushing me up in front of her.

The girl staring back at me is far more perfect than I remember. My hair has grown and shines in the light, and my skin is so pale it seems luminescent. What startles me most are my eyes, they glare red at me, and I can't help but jump back when I finally register them.

"Oh, my god, my eyes." I gape at Rose, hoping that she will tell me that they aren't as red as they seem.

"They will fade after a few weeks, they aren't as noticeable as you think." She assures me "Now, I hope you don't mind, but Kate and Edward want to come, they aren't very happy about your situation either."

"Not at all." I shrug, still enticed by my eyes.

"All three of us were appalled by my brother's decision. I truly am very sorry." She smiles softly at me, pulling me in for a hug.

I welcome her embrace, sighing into the hug.

"My throat is burning, why is that?" I frown, pulling away to look at her.

"You're thirsty, and you need to feed. Trust me, you'll feel much better once you do. It never truly goes away, but eventually it will become bearable." She nods towards the window, signaling for me to follow her as she jumps gracefully from the balcony.

Wide eyed, I approach the edge, what's left of my humanity begs me to stop and just go down the stairs, but afraid of seeing Jasper, I jump behind her. I'm startled when I land on my feet, and even more startled when I realize that the other three are watching me from the edge of the woods. Even from here I can make out every needle on the pines.

"Well, come on then, Cali." Kate calls across the distance, a small smile dancing along her lips as I jog over to her, still unsure of how exactly to use my newfound strength.

I watch the forest come to life in a way I never knew it could as we run. The way the trees dance in the wind, barely holding their loads of snow enthralls me, and I wish I could just sit and watch it forever.

. . .

"She took down a bear, all by herself?" Emmett questions Rosalie as we walk up the drive.

Edward chuckles behind me as I shake off the last bit of snow and debris that managed to attach themselves to me along our hunt.

"Of course, she did, did you expect anything else?" Kate chuckles, nudging me slyly with her shoulder.

I catch a glimpse of Jasper in an upstairs window, watching over me silently, but he disappears as fast as he came. Frowning, my hand brushes through my hair. Although I know that these people love me, they still have betrayed me, and I can't help but want to run far away as though that would solve my problems.

I glance back at Edward, watching as a troubled frown passes over his face before he notices me watching him and offers me a crooked grin.

Nodding at him, I head into the house and up to my room. Alice, had it decorated for me while I was changing, or so she says. It's a shame I won't be using it for long.

. . .

Jasper

The first night was the worst. When Calina realized she could not sleep, the anxiety hit her like a train. Carlisle tried to explain the life to her, but she was too worked up to listen, and instead she stared at a wall for an hour before cursing at me yet again.

I could feel her anger, but what I could feel most was her sadness, and I longed to take it from her. Somehow though, it was more than even my gift could take away, and I suffocated with her.

She longed desperately to see Allison. If she could cry, I have no doubt she would.

"Jasper."

I turn to face Alice, my tight smile dropping when I see the look on her face.

"Alice, what is it, what do you see?" I rush to her side, helping her sit on the couch behind us.

"We can't stop her, I'm so sorry, so sorry Jasper."


	11. Part 1:11

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

My head snaps up from my bag, and land on Alice. She stands in the doorway, her eyes holding sadness as she watches me closely.

"How did you know?" I sigh, sitting down on the completely unnecessary bed behind me.

"Well you are packing a bag." She laughs lightly, but the light doesn't reach her eyes "And, well you know, I saw it."

Although I know that this family has become my own by turning me, I know that at least for now I cannot stay. They've been incredibly kind, each of them explaining their different gifts, and trying to acclimate me to the new life I must live.

"I'm so sorry Alice, but please you cannot tell the others, I can't stay." I plead with her.

She approaches me slowly, barely managing a smile.

"I know you can't, I've seen it."

I nod to her, both of us rushing to embrace each other tightly. I know she must know that this is not the last time she will see me, I will always be from the Cullen Clan, but for now the nomad life is beckoning me.

"He knows that you're leaving, but he won't try to stop you, or even attempt to talk you out of it." Alice sighs, pulling away from me.

"Is it crazy to think that I never want to hurt him?" I ask, picking up the bag of everything dear to me easily.

"Of course not, you're mates. That bond doesn't just go away because he hurt you. You'll always care for him; and eventually love him." She grins teasingly, jumping out of the way when I lunge out to smack her.

"You're delusional." I smile at her.

She laughs before her face grows dim, and she looks over at me with a sad smile.

"I'm going to miss you, Calina. You always have a family here with us." She grabs my hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Ditto." I laugh, walking towards my window.

"Stay safe, stay away from humans." She jokes, following me closely.

I toss my bag out first, it's rather unnecessary, but I don't mind. Putting one leg out, ready to jump, I turn back to Alice one last time.

"Take care of him." I nod, my dead heart aching at the thought of Jasper being alone, no matter how upset I am with him.

"Always."

With her word, I jump down to the snowy ground beneath me, grabbing my bag and running into the woods. I feel sick thinking about where I'm headed, but it's the only place I know secluded enough for me to stay without worrying about wanting to drain anyone.

Jared and I drove there in the middle of the night after prom, it was where I first though he was out of his mind, but I just tried not to let it bother me. I was young, and thought that it was simply what love was like.

With my thoughts racing, I run as fast as I can towards the cabin, praying that it's still empty.

. . .

"Calina has left us." Alice announces, walking down the stairs quickly, it turns to pacing when she reaches the bottom.

Edward barely even moves at the announcement, he no doubt has known since the first thought of it crossed her mind. Neither Kate or Tanya look fazed by it either, since Calina turned they've been spending all their time with us, barely going home at all.

"She'll be back." Kate sighs, flicking through a magazine absentmindedly.

"No, she won't." Jasper breaks his silence; his face is screwed up into something resembling pain.

"It's what Calina does best." Kate again responds, giving us no clues as to what she's implying.

"When her parents died, she ran to our house, and when Allison started to care for her she tried to leave the country. She managed to evade the Sheriff Department for almost a week. Those aren't even the only times either, but she always comes back." Tanya explains, looking only slightly more worried than her sister.

I stand, wanting nothing more than to retreat to my room. We should have never allowed ourselves to get close to her. I would give up my friendship with her just to have let her be human again and live a normal life.

"This cannot happen again, we cannot let another human into this mess again." I glare, making eye contact with each of them. I glare especially hard at Jasper.

"Rose, we couldn't have predicted what happened." Carlisle tries, giving Esme a look.

"I didn't even see it coming." Alice interjects, sitting down on the couch next to Jasper with a frown.

I don't know what else to do, so I just sit back down, watching a pointless ball game with Emmett next to me. My thoughts are not on the ball game though, they are with Calina, hoping that she will in fact be back to us.

. . .

The cabin looms ahead of me. If I had a heart, it would be beating out of my chest. There' a nonexistent lump in my throat, but I try to push through it.

No lights beckon in the distance, so I approach cautiously. When I realize, I can't hear any hearts beating from inside, I hop up onto the porch, tossing the rug aside and grabbing the key beneath it.

The door unlocks easily, and I walk slowly inside. Nothing looks like it has moved in the past year. I want to laugh when I see my tea mug still sitting on the counter, completely untouched after that night at prom.

Jared ran me out the next morning, yelling at me over something. I can't even remember now, everything become jumbled when the venom burned my humanity away. Some days I swear I will forget my family, and the way Sammy used to let out a high-pitched squeal before he laughed.

Stepping over some cobwebs, I make my way to the closet in the hall, pulling out the tub of cleaning supplies.

I toss my bag onto the bed in the master bedroom, quickly going to work with the vacuum across the carpeted floors. I scrub away the dust and grime like I'm trying to scrub away the past. Not surprisingly, it doesn't work at all, and I just wish that I could cry.

When I finish, I hunker down in the chair, pulling out my copy of Ethan Frome, a book I've read a thousand times over, and one I could read a thousand times more. I read, and I get lost in a world better than my own.

. . .

Allison

"God, damn it." I yell, tossing the missing persons flyers onto the table as I stare at the deputy in front of me.

"Miss Laraunt, you have to calm down." He sighs, obviously distressed by my attitude.

"No, you get your ass back out there, stop asking me pointless questions, and find my sister." My fist smacks down onto the table on its own accord, and the man jumps.

"Calina ran away three months ago, correct?" he pretends to look down at a list, wincing when I all but growl at him.

"Yes, but we worked past that, I swear, she wouldn't have gone anywhere on her own accord."

My head drops to my hands, and I look to him again.

"Listen, when Jared Grant killed my family, Calina was really torn up. She didn't know how to feel, or how to cope, so she ran. She's doing better now, just the few moments of PTSD, and that's it. You must find her, she wouldn't have ran on her own.

He nods, grabbing his papers and tipping his hat at me before walking out the door silently. The tears start to flow freely, and I wish I had even an ounce of the strength Calina has.

When I first got up from Florida, Calina was still in the ICU, she hadn't even woken up yet. I'll never forget her face, and the pain she had written all over it. For a few weeks, it haunted me in my sleep. That was nothing like the terrors Calina had.

She woke up screaming in the ICU, kicking and shouting despite her pain and condition. They had to sedate her she was so riled up. When the doc finally arrived, he told me of the broken ribs Calina had, and the yellow bruising on her abdomen that was too old to be a wound from the attack.

I stared down at her that night, and I vowed I would make sure she had everything she could ever want, and my heart aches to think that once again her life has been altered.

. . .

Calina

Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months, my routine was mundane, but it got me through. I hunted at night, enjoying the quiet, and sat in my chair to read during the day. I ached to be back with my family, but forgiveness is a hard thing, and somehow, I still did not have it in my heart to forgive Jasper just yet.

Sometimes I went into the city, I hid away in coffee shops, working on self-control. I started small, and built my way up.

Somehow, I have not faltered once. I wish I could be proud, but the monster inside of me takes my pride, making me thirst like an animal when I'm around the humans.

I shake off the snow covering my jacket, looking around at the woods around me, the snow and ice makes everything look like a wonderland a vision of fairytales that I am not meant to be in.

I slowly make my way to a tree, leaning against it as I watch the world in awe. I am so spellbound that I don't even notice the footfalls behind me, approaching me with caution. The person is upon me before I even notice them.

"Calina."

I whirl around my dead heart barely intact as I take in the ma before me. He doesn't look much different, more sad, but still himself. My being aches to make him happy once again, but I cannot bring myself to say a word.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know he had taken up residence this close to ours." He nods, trying to be polite, but I hear the desperation in his words.

"I…" I stutter out, "I came out pretty far, it's my fault." I try, but he just watches me, I just want him to hold me, to tell me I'm okay, but the independence in me tells me that would be a death sentence.

We lapse into silence, each watching each other desperately.

"Tell me you feel it too." He finally speaks, and my head snaps down, eyeing the snow beneath me like it could sprout wings and fly me away if I try hard enough.

"Feel what?" I question. It comes out more harsh than I intended, and he winces under my words.

"The emptiness, the sadness, the longing." His face is screwed up with pain, and I know he's taking the bulk of the emotions for both of us.

"Of course, but it doesn't change anything." I try to shrug indifferently, but it fails.

"I could make you feel so complete." He whispers, taking a step closer to me, waiting for me to jump away.

Instead I stay where I am, waiting as his hand connects with my face gently at an agonizingly slow speed.

"I know." I sigh when he's right in front of me.

"Let me make you complete." He lowers his face, and I don't dare move a muscle, my eyes focusing on his lips that are dangerously close to mine.

"Just once." I whisper, and his lips crash to mine.

The tree behind me trembles at the force he applies. I can't stand to let him invade my heart and soul again, so when I feel the pain of missing him dull, I pull away.

"Don't follow me." I whisper, and his face falls, I have never seen a more pained look, and I almost stay just for that.

With that, I pull from his arms, running in a direction different from the cabin to throw him off. Somehow, I know that I will love this boy. It scares me, and I wish I could just understand him, and understand why he chose me.

My unbeating heart will love him ceaselessly.


	12. Part 1:12

**This is the last chapter that will shift around a lot, I must warn you from Alice to Allison there is a significant time lapse, about six months goes by.**

 _Alice_

"She's so close." Edward murmurs next to me, leaning in to avoid nosey ears from our peers as we sit at lunch.

"I had no idea it would happen so soon. When I saw, I thought for sure it would be a while." I sigh, stirring my uneaten soup, more interested in our conversation than pretending to eat.

"I can't even get a clear read on him. His thoughts are bouncing around more than I've ever encountered. It can't be healthy." Edward muses.

"Well I can't imagine she's better off knowing that they can run into each other so easily."

"He's so worried he scared her off for good. Kate keeps saying she will come back, and I trust her, but Jasper doesn't." Edward's voice drops lower as the rest of our family approaches us.

Jasper straggles behind Rose and Emmett, desperately trying not to make eye contact with any of the people around us. He looks worse than worse, and I wince when I see how dark his eyes are. Since that day they saw each other he has been refusing to hunt, afraid that he will see her again and really scare her off.

"Hey." He mutters, sitting stiffly in the chair next to me.

"Hey." I respond, watching him pick apart an orange as though he may hurt it as well.

"We have to leave." He finally addresses everyone, looking at each of them shortly.

"Bro, we just moved here." Emmett states, looking at him as though he's lost his mind.

"I messed up bad, and I can't stay here and ruin things more. She doesn't deserve that, and I don't know how many more times I can pass her sister on the street knowing that I'm the cause of her pain. There's so much pain here, and I can't take it anymore."

Jasper looks to be on the verge of tears he can't cry, and I reach out to soothe him thinking that no one else will.

"Jazz, we can't just pick up and leave," I start, trying to be a voice of reason, but I'm interrupted.

"No, he's right, we've done enough damage. If we ever want her to come back to us, we can't stay here and breathe down her neck. She needs space, we give her space, and in time I have no doubt that she will come back." Rose sighs, flipping back her hair as she looks out over the mass of students.

"We should talk to Carlisle, he will know what to do." Edward nods, eyeing me across the table.

I lean back again, watching as Kate and Tanya approach us. Neither have been incredibly worried about Calina's disappearance, not that I expected them to be. They know her better than anyone, and if we leave they will no doubt take care of her if trouble comes her way.

"He will." I agree.

 _. . ._

 _Allison_

"She'll be back, she'll be back." I repeat to myself like some kind of sick mantra as I fumble with another poster.

The sheriff's office stopped coming around after the seventh month. Most all of them have written Calina's disappearance as another attempt to escape, and a successful one at that. Since she ran away the day after I got there to take care of her, they think she is a 'troubled girl' at least that's what the last one to visit said.

I feel like if I just hang another poster, if I just search a little farther into the woods, I will find her. My only hope is to find her well.

Her friends held vigils when we first found out she was missing, but since then their support has dwindled to nothing as well. Only two kids bother to really check up on me weekly. Tanya, and another girl, Marlee are around like clockwork each week, helping me hand out flyers or put up signs.

Done with copying flyers, I put them down on the kitchen table, collapsing into one of the chairs. I'm exhausted from the day. It seems like clients are neverendingly needy, and then I come home to this mess. It feels like I don't even have the controls anymore.

The television blares behind me, but I don't even have the energy to shut it off. I know I can't sit for long though, dishes have to be done, and a presentation I haven't even begun sits in front of me on the table.

I stand slowly, ignoring the ache of my heart, and walk to the sink. My hands tremble, but I wash the first plate, grateful for something mundane where I don't have to use my already fried brain.

 _. . ._

 _Calina_

Months have passed since I saw Jasper in the woods. At first I thoroughly avoided that area of the woods, then my heart got in the way, and I started frequenting it more and more hoping to even just catch a glimpse of him. Something about him makes it impossible to be away, it's a pull impossible to escape.

I let out a breath from the trees as I watch the sky above me. The stars seem endlessly beautiful even from down on earth. I can't imagine their brilliance from space. Satisfied that I've watched them long enough, I jump swiftly down, the branches passing me by at a dizzying speed.

I practically hit the ground running the all too familiar route that I've taken many times back to town. I can't keep myself from watching over Allison. Even if it will get me caught by my familial counterparts in the area.

The snow dances around me as I push through the dense forest. Everything seems so perfect, so calm out here, but I know that my time in hiding is swiftly coming to a close.

I've been able to walk around town, gone shopping, even to the cafeteria of a hospital without killing anyone. My excuse of running in order to gain control is waning thin. On the other hand, my excuse of escaping Jasper and his life altering decision on my behalf still holds strong.

When I first left, I resigned myself to the fact that I hated him more than anyone in the world. Over time, I have grown to know that the feelings I feel are no less than hate, but far less volatile. My heart is drawn to him, but my head is not.

The brick fortress of a house approaches me in the distance, and I stop quickly as Allison comes into view, even from here I can make out the tremble in her hands as she washes a plate with motions as robotic as they are slow.

I concentrate on her mind, feeling my way into control, something I still haven't gotten the hang of yet. Influence is something I've found I have some kind of hold on, but I haven't the slightest why.

"I love you." I repeat over and over again in my head, trying my hardest to push that thought straight into her brain. I've been trying this for days unsuccessfully but something about now seems necessary to get my message across to her.

Suddenly, her shoulders slump, and she falls out of view. Immediately my mind works into overdrive, thinking of all the horrid things that could be happening to her. I rush towards the house, contemplating breaking through the window when I hear her sobs.

Through them I manage to make out the words she's murmuring back.

"I love you, I love you." She whispers, and if my heart could break, it would.

I freeze in my spot, leaning on the outside wall next to where she now sits. Falling to the ground, I put my head in my hands, knowing that there is nothing left for me here. I cannot continue to torture myself any longer.

 _. . ._

 _Rosalie_

"Oh this is just fantastic." I shout, glaring over at Edward.

"Rose, please." Emmett mutters next to me, and my anger flares at him as well.

From across the room, Jasper looks down at the ground, most likely trying to find an in to defuse someone's anger. Even Alice is looking down at the ground solemnly.

"I cannot control who my singer is, Rosalie." Edward shouts back at me.

Our relationship has been rather strained since we moved and he found his singer. We thought that sending him back to Alaska for a few days would do him good, but he just came back with the idea that if he tries to be civil and see her humanity, he won't kill her.

"How could any of you be this daft? Did you not see how the last human relationship turned out?" No one dares to look at me, but I know that my words will not break through to them.

"What happened to Calina is not forgivable, but Edward should at least be given a chance." Carlisle muses from his chair, giving Esme a nod.

"Jasper, how can you be okay with this. Calina won't even see you, how can you wish that upon your brother?"

"Please, Rose, don't bring her into this." He sighs, no emotion laced with his words.

"Look at him, Edward, this is what you will become if you let yourself lose control. I will leave if another human dies at our hands." I snarl, pulling myself away from Emmett.

Alice interrupts my movements, gasping slightly with a faraway look on her face. Edward's head shoots up and his eyes snap over to her.

"Alice, what do you see?" Jasper jumps to life next to Alice, taking her hand and squeezing it tightly.

"It's Calina." Alice whispers, and I close my eyes, turning to face the news.

No one moves as we wait for Alice to speak, and we don't have to wait long.

"She's made her decision."

 _. . ._

 _Calina_

"I knew you couldn't stay away." Kate rolls her eyes, pulling me into a tight hug, her golden eyes checking me over swiftly.

"Is he here?" I mutter to her, and her face drops to a frown.

"They left some weeks after you changed." She sighs, pulling me into her house.

"Left?"

"Yeah, come on, Tanya and Carmen are just inside the den." She tugs at me, so I follow her closely, not expecting Tanya to crash into me like she does.

"You're home, you're home." She cries, hugging me close.

"Yeah." I whisper "Home."


	13. Part 1:13

"Oh come on Cali, I know you're better than that." Kate snarks from a far room, laughing when I fail to make her get up from the couch.

"Kate, so help me God." I growl, leaning against the kitchen counter and giving up my attempt at getting her off the couch.

"I could almost feel the desperation in that last attempt, it was almost sad." She laughs harder, and I let go of the counter knowing that I will for sure snap in two if she pushes me any farther.

"Kate, stop pushing her." Carmen snaps, walking in the back door, Eleazar trailing behind her with a pensive look on his face.

I smile victoriously in Kate's direction, even if she cannot see it.

"And you," Carmen continues, pointing a finger at me like I'm a child "Stop using your gift on your sister."

I nod slowly, knowing that I'll still use it on her anyways, it serves her right for as hard as she electrocuted me last night while I was trying to watch a show on the television. I'm about to head outside when Eleazar stops me, motioning me towards his office with a frown.

Following behind him silently, I look behind me at Carmen who doesn't look as jovial as usual, and my heart sinks. The only time they are ever this silent is when the Cullen Clan is involved.

The last time we had to talk was when Edward came up for a week or two. I left right away and headed back to the cabin. I'm sure if he had really wanted to, that he could have tracked me all the way there, but he respected my space.

"Eleazar, I know it must be something with the Cullen family. What has happened now?" I tread lightly, watching for any kind of emotion to pass across his stoic face.

"It is time for you to return home, Calina." He sighs, shuffling some paperwork around like he's some kind of boss fixing to fire me.

"I am home." My face falls as I think about returning to them, and returning to him.

"Calina, your mate is there, the family has suffered tremendously without you." He tries to reason, but I am beyond his reasoning already.

"So help me God, Eleazar, I will not." I growl, upset by his attempt to throw me back at them.

"They have been attacked by a band of nomads, Edward's singer was injured. The nomads may have just been passing through, but Carlisle would feel better if you were with them, not away. Jasper is weak without you, and you are weak without him."

I look Eleazar dead in the eye, and glare at him, but there is nothing I can do to change his mind.

"Bullshit." I growl, walking to the office door and slamming it behind me,

Irina looks up at me from a book she's reading on the couch when I storm up the stairs to pack a bag.

"You can always return." She soothes, following me up the stairs. She starts throwing my things into a suitcase, assuring me that I can always buy more later.

"They hurt me." I sigh, "But they are family, and I cannot see them destroyed."

"I know you can't." she pulls me into a hug "Take my car, I don't need it anyways."

I smile at her, grasping the keys tightly in my hand.

"Thank you." I nod, grabbing both bags into my arms.

"We will always be sisters." She whispers, taking my hand one last time.

"I love you, sister." I smile, taking her in, as though she could disappear right before me.

It feels too final, so I rush down the stairs, all too eager to escape without goodbyes. I make it to the garage without seeing anyone, but when I open the door, I am startled to see Kate standing by Irina's car.

"Still doing what you do best, I see." She nods at my bags.

"I have no choice." I sigh, moving past her and to the car.

"You're still running, not saying goodbye, thinking that someone else will just clean up whatever you leave behind."

"I can't do this now, Kate." I quip, throwing my bags into the trunk of the huge SUV.

"You can't ever do it, Calina." Her response is sharp, and it hurts, but not enough to stop me.

"Stop, please."

"You need to grow up." Kate finally shouts, and I whirl around to face her.

"What?" I growl, stepping away from the door.

"You have two families who love you, you have a god damned mate, but you can't get your shit together long enough to stay anywhere. You run like it's your life. Grow the fuck up."

I stagger backwards, watching the girl who has protected me through everything yell at me like it's her job.

"Do you think I wanted this, do you think I wanted my family dead, or wanted to drain every human I see, or God forbid, maybe I don't even want a mate." My voice escalates with my anger as I watch her.

"You chose to be with that boy. I warned you, I told you he wasn't good news, and you ignored me."

I've never seen Kate this genuinely riled up.

"I loved him." I yell, knocking over a box in my fit of self-loathing.

"That night, Alice called me in a fit, and she told me to call the cops." Kate gasps, "I thought you were dead, I could smell the blood from a mile out. Have you even taken the time to think everything through, or are you still running from that too?"

It's a low blow, but she's right. I bottle things up like a professional.

"And here you are, almost a year later, still running from everything that even seems a bit tough. I've been giving excuses for you, because I love you, but you need to wake up. You aren't just hurting yourself with your selfishness." She continues, chest heaving with her words.

We watch each other in one of the most tense moments I have ever had.

"I love you, Kate." I finally nod at her, and in a second she is next to me, holding me tightly.

"No more running." She pleads, and silently agree.

"Stay safe." I pull away from her, heading to the door of the car again, this time ready to leave for real.

"Always am." She smirks, all traces of anger disappearing as she watches me pull out of the driveway.

I plug the little town into my GPS, and head towards Forks.

. . .

Time seems to pass quickly, or maybe I seem to drive quickly. Either way, the town approaches outside the car much faster than I would have wished.

Almost as instantly as I reach the town, my phone starts to ring. I roll my eyes, grabbing the infuriating thing and answer.

"Why did I just see you pulling up at the house?" Alice skips any kind of greeting and gets straight to her point.

"Alice, must you really ask that. I know you knew I was coming." I sigh, waiting on her response.

"Actually, I didn't. I just now saw, why are you back?" she asks again, there's no hostility in her voice, just curiosity.

I don't reply, and she laughs into the phone.

"I knew it, you're back for him, I told you that you two were meant to be." I can almost sense her excitement.

"Alice, Alice." I call into the phone, anxious to get her off the love boat.

"Yes?" she finally replies breathlessly.

"I haven't seen him in eight months, take it slow." I laugh.

"Thank god you're back, Bella thinks Jasper and I are you know, together." Even though she's joking and sounds slightly revolted at the idea, a primal urge in me has me resisting a growl.

"Who's Bella?" I frown, trying to remember if they've ever mentioned her before.

"I'll explain everything when you pull in, hopefully before Rose gets to you and taints you." She sighs wistfully into the phone, confusing me further.

"Okay, I expect a thorough update." I click the phone off, not waiting for her response.

The address Eleazar has in the GPS takes me to the outskirts of town. Its late in the afternoon when I pull into the drive of my new home. Just as I expected, Alice stands in the middle of the driveway, ridiculously over dressed with a huge grin on her pale face.

"Calina." She shrieks, launching herself at me and embracing me.

"Hey." I laugh, comforted by her easy love.

"I have so much to tell you, leave your bags, I have a wardrobe already ready for you. I had a feeling you would return." She practically bounces as she leads me into the mansion.

When she finally reaches my room, she sits down on the bed in the middle. It's draped with a huge canopy, and is much bigger than anyone could ever need.

"So, who is Bella?" I finally ask, looking around at all the things in the room.

"Well, she's Edward's singer, and mate." Alice responds uneasily.

"Why are you so nervous about her?" I cock my head, trying to search for the truth in Alice, but she's too distracted.

"Because she's human." A voice responds from behind me, and I whirl around to face the person in the door.

"Rose." I whisper, too distracted by seeing my friend to even process what she has said.

"Hey Cali." She smiles softly, not moving from the doorway.

"I missed you." I choke out, overwhelmed by her presence.

That's all it takes, and she's hugging me tightly like she doesn't want to let go.

"We have so much to talk about. Don't let Alice get to you with her blind love for Bella, she could be the death of all of us." Rose insists, and I can't help but roll my eyes at her.

"Will someone just tell me who she is?" I laugh, looking between the two who are now having an intense stare down.

"Me." A little voice nervously rasps from the doorway, and I look over at the fragile girl. She's fumbling with everything around her and shifting her weight from a good leg and a boot.

She smells sweet, but not sweet enough to want to drink her or anything.

"Oh good, you're here." Alice squeal, pulling the poor girl along into my bathroom.

"Who is she?" I hear her whisper despite being in a different room.

Rose looks knowingly at me, and nods towards the door. I follow her across the hall and into her bedroom. Emmett lays sprawled across the bed with a laptop in hand, scrolling through some page on the internet.

"Sup, Emmett?" I ask, and he fist pumps.

"I knew it, I called it. You're back." He grins.

I laugh, and Rose rolls her eyes at her mate, taking me towards her bathroom. I gasp when I walk in, looking over at the dress that hangs on the wall. It's every bit as elaborate and beautiful as I remember it.

"Rose, why do you have this?" I ask.

"Prom night, and as I recall, you have a boy here who would like a dance." She smiles, and butterflies well in my stomach nervously.

"We're going to prom?" I laugh lightly, running my hand over the silky material.

"Well, it's either you or Alice going with him, and I think he'd much rather dance with his mate."

"Okay." I nod, and she starts digging out her makeup.

My dead heart flutters knowing that I will see him sooner rather than later.

. . .

"Calina, stop being shy and come down." Rose calls to me, and even with the amount of grace I have, I still wobble in the shoes Alice picked for me.

"We all know you look beautiful dear." Esme coaxes gentler than Rosalie.

I make my way down as quick as I can, standing before the family shyly.

"You all look gorgeous." Esme gushes to all of us, proudly gazing upon Rose and me.

Looking around, I notice that both Rose and Bella are fit to go to the Prom too. Nodding at Rose, she herds me towards the car, leaving Bella with Edward.

"The boys will meet us there." She trills, and I try to smooth out my dress as we walk.

"Okay." I mutter, suddenly scared to see Jasper.

"Don't worry about seeing him. He understands what happened, and he blames you for nothing." She sighs, driving well over the speeding limit through town.

"Okay." I murmur.

We pull into the parking lot minutes later, Rose throwing open her door and walking quickly to the entrance, barely bothering with me. Probably because she can't stand to see me worried about something so trivial to her.

I follow closely behind, arms crossed as I watch the couples around me swarm to the entrance. My throat burns, but it isn't unbearable.

I step into the light of the gym behind Rose, and my eyes lock on his immediately. I walk slowly to him, nerves dissipating, and I know he's taking them on for me. Always the gentleman.

"Calina." He breathes out when we're finally close enough to each other, and he goes to start another sentence, but I interrupt him.

I take his cheek into my hand, the world around us disappears, and I coax him gently closer.

And I crash my lips onto his.


	14. Part 1:14

p class="MsoNormal"Our lips break, and I grudgingly pull myself away from him, sighing as I breathe in everything that is my mate. Even though his eyes seem to glow with joy, they reflect a sadness back onto me, and my being hurts knowing that I am the cause of everything that he is feeling./p  
p class="MsoNormal"But that is a two-way street, I know that I am duller than I once was, and that I do not hold the light I once held far before the murders. I long to be with him, but I will myself to not forget the pain that has been placed on me of a life I did not chose./p  
p class="MsoNormal""You're here, with me." He states, and for a second I wonder if he thinks he is hallucinating, and does not grasp fully that I am before him./p  
p class="MsoNormal"There is something about him that lacks the emotion he once held. He holds himself with a rigidity that was not there before, he seems so empty. I long to be the one to make him whole again./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I am." I smile up at him, and with my smile he relaxes a touch, still watching me as though I could disappear at any second and slip through his grasp once again./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Will you leave again?" there is pain in his voice, and he avoids my gaze, looking down like he's bracing himself for the absolute worst./p  
p class="MsoNormal"My hand finds his chin, tracing over his jaw line and guiding his eyes up to mine./p  
p class="MsoNormal""No, I'm here to stay." I smile gently, holding back a tinkling laugh when he visibly lets out a deep sigh, a grin breaking his stiff façade./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I don't know if I could handle seeing you leave again." He admits, his eyes roaming over me with a charming smile./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I simply smile lightly at him, taking my own time to look over my mate. His beautiful features seem to glow in the dim lights, and the music around us fades away as I reach for his hand, longing to just be near him, no matter how upset I still am with him./p  
p class="MsoNormal""What happened is not over." I nod at him, hoping that he will understand./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I understand why it cannot be." He agrees./p  
p class="MsoNormal""But for tonight, I understand you need a date, and I need a memory from prom that doesn't end in complete misery." I laugh, leaning into him and looking up at him./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Well, milady, may I have this dance?" he takes a step away from me, holding his arm out to me in a fashion that is far from any motion a boy from this century would use, but I giggle and go along with it anyways, relishing in the joy I feel simply from being home./p  
p class="MsoNormal"It is like the world was turned in a way I could not understand, but with his puzzle piece in place, everything is correct again./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;". . ./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"Rosalie/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Look how happy she is." I murmur, looking to Emmett with a smile, he follows my line of sight, eyes widening as he takes in Jasper's carefree grin. It's a far cry from the soldier in him who returned when Calina left./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I have to admit, I never saw that one coming." He grins at me, arms wrapping around my waist automatically as we both watch Jasper twirl Calina across the floor gently like he's forgotten that she isn't made of glass anymore./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I'm glad she's back, but I'm afraid Isabella will think that because of Calina's past with us, we will just turn her because she wants it now." I roll my eyes, looking over at the puppy dog of a girl as she makes heart eyes at Edward./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I don't want to hate her, but her rash decisions and vast acts of petulant immaturity have driven me mad. Part of the hatred stems from Calina, and wishing to protect my family from the hurt her turn put us through, even if she is one of my closest allies./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Rose, you have to let that go. She's here to stay, plus, you could like her. I mean look at how quickly you and Calina bonded." Emmett shrugs, soothing me./p  
p class="MsoNormal""That was different, and you know it." I sigh, thinking of all the times I've had to talk myself out of heading back to the Alaskan prison where her attacker waits out his life sentences. I want to rip him to shreds, but I don't, knowing that it would do more harm than even the satisfaction of knowing he is dead would give me./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I know it, Rosie," he smirks "how do you think Carlisle will explain her to everyone?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Good question, maybe Alice's younger sister?" I question, watching Calina closely even though she doesn't need my supervision any longer./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Damn, I was hoping I would finally get a sibling." Emmett sighs, joining me in watching Calina and Jasper./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Well, she does look like you." I laugh, holding out my hand to Emmett "Now, Mr. McCarty, I want a dance."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;". . ./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"Calina/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you, for tonight, Jasper, I had a really lovely time." I smile up at him, biting down nervously on my lip as I walk into my room slowly, turning back to look at him./p  
p class="MsoNormal"He stands in the doorway, his arms tucked behind his back, looking as stiff as possible. For a moment, I consider making him use his own gift on himself, but figure it would backfire in some way, and instead I beckon him in./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Are you sure?" he questions, looking around my room as he steps in./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I wouldn't ask if I wasn't sure." I joke, but he just looks more awkward in my large expanse of a room./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I have to admit, I spent a lot of time in here after Alice remodeled it for you. Even if you had never lived here, it felt like you. It felt like home." Jasper sighs, pausing briefly to look at a framed picture of my family./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I nod wearily at him, unsure of how to even begin to feel from his remarks. A large part of my chest has been set alight with pride in knowing that he feels that his home is with me, the other feels empty knowing that we both felt so alone and solitary./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Let me get changed, then we can talk, but not about what happened, that would be too much for tonight." I hurry into my closet without waiting for his response./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I unzip the dress quickly, all too aware of the boy pacing outside the closet door in a quick rhythm that's almost quite unnerving./p  
p class="MsoNormal"When I'm done, I throw on an oversized hoodie that must be Jasper's, and hurry back out to him./p  
p class="MsoNormal"He's stopped pacing and is back in front of the picture of my family, gazing at them with intensity. I clear my throat and his head snaps up robotically, features sheepish./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Will you tell me about them, about everything?" he asks lowly after a pause./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Yes, you'll have to sit, it's quite the story." I sigh, eyeing the picture he has become so enthralled with./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I curl up in the corner of my couch and he sits as far away from me as possible, still holding himself so tightly that I fear he could just combust if he concentrates on being any more rigid./p  
p class="MsoNormal""You want to know everything?" I ask, and he nods vigorously./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I was born when Allison was eight, in Alaska, obviously." I smile "She practically raised me, my dad worked long hours as a developer, I suppose that's where Allison's passion for those kinds of matters began. My mom was a lawyer at his firm, it's where they met, and fell in love."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Jasper nods, encouraging me to continue./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I've never met a more enchanted couple. They looked at each other like the sun rose and set behind each other's heads. They loved each other well, but their jobs were demanding, and Allison and our housekeeper Diana really raised me." I pause thinking of what more I could say./p  
p class="MsoNormal""When I was, younger I used to want to be a dancer, and I danced all day long and all night long. I just kept on dancing straight up until Allison left, and then I quit. I always regretted that. Although I never was very graceful off the floor." I laugh, and Jasper cracks a smile./p  
p class="MsoNormal""You had a little brother." He nods towards the picture, obviously interested in Sammy./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I did, he was born a year after Allison left. His name was Sammy, and he was four when he died. He was my redemption. I was fighting with my parents constantly, always doing something wrong. I was a teen, and I thought I ruled the world, but my parents never truly allowed me responsibility until Sammy came along."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""You don't have to tell me about Jared Grant." Jasper growls through gritted teeth, obviously upset by my attempted murder./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I need to, I may not remember it for much longer." I sigh./p  
p class="MsoNormal"My human memories have been fading as the days turn to weeks, and I fear that I will forget my family forever, and forget the people I once loved. I have already forgotten so much of my childhood, and I don't want Jasper to go forever without knowing who Jared truly was to me./p  
p class="MsoNormal""We met when I was fifteen, he was living with his Aunt after being bounced from home to home. I don't know what it was about him, maybe it was because he oozed danger, and my friends were always calling me a teacher's pet. We locked eyes, and my life forever changed." I rub my arm self-consciously, too aware of Jasper's hard gaze as I recount my ex./p  
p class="MsoNormal""He was great in the beginning, wonderful even. He treated me with kindness, was a gentleman, although you are ten times the more than he ever was. It wasn't a sudden change, it went so slow I don't even think I realized what was happening. His words got harsher, and eventually his fists did as well."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Jasper shudders, and I stop talking, just taking him in. He looks pained, and I frown understanding why I am so calm. He has harbored me from any kind of negative feeling I could have, and is feeling them too intimately./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Calina, we have to take a break. I cannot hear any more of how this monster turned his fists loose on you. There is no excuse for hitting a woman." He seethes./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I scoot closer to him, stopping when I'm practically right up next to him, and I grab his hand soothingly./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I promise that I will never intentionally hurt you again." He finally sighs, the anger in him retreating./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I know." I whisper, turning into his shoulder./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I stand, holding my hand out to him./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Come to the bed?" I ask lowly "Just hold me, for tonight?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"His face breaks out into a grin, and he follows me, still in his suit, and lays down next to me in the completely unnecessary bed. There are no words, or quiet murmurs, I just lay in his arms completely content to just be held by him, a man I swore I hated just days ago./p 


	15. Part 1:15

**Hi guys! This is one of the last few chapters before the next book. The next few chapters as well as the sequel will be full of action. This book is essentially groundwork. We will be heading into New Moon in the next chapter. Excited for the next round!**

"What, not watching her sleep tonight, Eddie?" I grin slyly at Edward as he sits carefully at the piano.

"No, she's coming here." He glares over at me, obviously not caring for my jokes. He's been much more tense since the fragile girl's accident.

He glances down at the piano before looking back to me.

"I can hear you, you know." He reminds me, but I pay him no mind, instead listening for Jasper around the house, frowning when I realize he's no longer in the house.

"You two look like you're having a bundle of fun." Esme jokes lightly as she passes through the room "Edward, why don't you and Calina go on a hunt, you two haven't done anything together in a while."

Our eyes dart to each other, our response coming at the same time, and with the same amount of disinterest.

"No."

I shoot a dirty look at Edward who simply ignores me, playing a few notes on the piano as if I don't exist. He has it through his mind that I'm team Rose, and has harbored loathing for me since I got back. It's quite petty if you ask me.

"It isn't petty." He mutters to me, stopping to look in my direction.

"Seems awful petty to me." I turn the page of Ethan Frome, knowing that I've probably upset him more.

"If you would just give her a chance." Edward tries, and I roll my eyes.

"A chance to die? To turn into what I am now?" I laugh, but my joke isn't funny even to me.

"I don't want it any more than you do." He growls lowly, more at himself than me.

"Doubtful."

"You're impossible, Calina. She's a part of our family. I expected this from Rosalie, but not from you. You were once in her shoes, and so recently. Can't you just try, for my sake?" he pleads, golden eyes locking in on me.

"Well, since you asked so kindly." I stand, stretching out "No." I finish, and he sighs.

"I hate you." He huffs, turning back away from me.

"No, you hate that Rose and I are right. If she stays with our family, it is inevitable. Do you think we are daft enough to hope that she will live out her human life? That she won't crave to live out forever with the man of her fantasies? Edward, you're so much smarter than that." I sigh, deciding that no matter what I say, he will be stubborn enough not to listen.

I take up my copy of Ethan Frome, knowing that if I stay I'll say more things I would regret, and I do genuinely love Edward. I just don't love the choices he is making for another girl who could have had an entirely different life ahead of her.

Wistfully I walk into my room, throwing myself down on the canopied bed I reopen my book, full ready to get lost in it when my phone rings.

Sighing, I set down my book again, my face lighting up when I see the caller's picture flash up on my screen.

"Kate!" I gasp into the phone breathlessly, excited to have heard from my sister for the second time this week.

"Hey Cali." Her voice sounds distant, but it is still oh so comforting.

"What's up?" I ask, sitting back down.

"Carlisle told Eleazar about your newest member, and I wanted to hear what you have to say, I can't trust Alice to give me the truth about her. Honestly I'm surprised you haven't mentioned her sooner."

I can imagine Kate as she flicks through a magazine, boredly trying to find something to pique her interest, and landing on the subject of Edward's erratic mate.

"Well, she's very human." I laugh, playing with the ends of my hair.

"Not enough, like what makes her better than Tanya dearest, she's been sulking since she heard. The human has to be something special to catch Edward's attention when even Tanya couldn't, right?" I can sense that her question is more rhetorical than real, and my heart drops thinking about sweet Tanya hurting because Edward has found his other half.

"She's a nice girl, hard to talk to, but sweet none the less. Rose hates her."

"Well, I assumed as much, who doesn't Rosalie hate? Now, tell me about that handsome mate of yours."

If my cheeks could still burn bright red, they would now. I can't help but roll my eyes at her pointedness.

"We're okay." I smile to myself, his handsome smile taking over my thoughts.

"You sound more than just okay, you've forgiven him." She gasps, and I balk at the thought.

"Kate, be reasonable. We've barely even lived in the same house for two weeks. I don't know that it will ever be okay again, but I look at him, and I sense his regret, and his sincerity, and my heart just jumps to forgive him." I ramble.

"Tell me more." Kate commands, and I let out a breath pulling at the edge of my comforter.

"Kate, he looks at me, and I can barely even move. The way his eyes follow me like I'm the most captivating thing in the world scares me, but I know from the looks everyone else is giving me that I'm doing the same." I pause "It's just that I can't bear to see him so withdrawn. With everyone up in arms about Bella, I know that no one else sees how rigid he is, but I do. I don't want him to feel that way, ever."

"Look, I trust your judgement. Cali, you're so strong. Give him time to adjust, he needs time to tell you his story before you decide. I have to go, love you, sister." The line clicks dead, and it leaves my heart in more confusion than before.

I can hear him before I see him, and in an instant, Jasper is standing in my doorway, looking just as awkward as he always does, pain evident on his face. I can smell the reason from a mile away. Bella's voice rasps from downstairs, and for a moment I fear that Jasper may lose control. It's been a week at the least since he last fed.

"Jaz?" I ask slowly, eyeing him as he snarls to himself, all timidness gone from his posture.

"Calina, make me leave." He growls, and my eyes widen at his request.

I fumble around for an answer, but he gets more agitated, and I put all my energy into pushing him out of the room. Robotically, he takes a step towards the window, and then with some force of speed, he rushes out my balcony door, running into the woods around us without even a glance back.

Unsure of what just happened, I follow behind him, but at a safe enough distance. He knows I'm following his hunt, but ignores me. When I finally get close enough to speak to him civilly, he's already drained a mountain lion, his eyes lighter than before, but still hauntingly deep pools.

"Kate was right." He clears his throat, looking at me.

I cock my head at him, waiting for him to continue. He seems to straighten then, becoming more of a man than I have seen him be. He looks almost complete.

"I have to tell you about my past, Calina, or you will never understand. I want you to understand me, and I want you to know that I can protect you, my sweet darling." He is in front of me in an instant, his cool hand running over my cheek like I'm the most precious possession in his grasp.

"Then tell me about it." I lean into his hand, safety washing over me like a drug.

He takes a moment to look up at the stars above us, swallowing hard, he begins.

"I was born into a time of hostility, although I had no idea just how hostile it really was. Growing up, people used to tell my father that I had a charm about me, people liked me, and I thrived off it. When the war rolled around, I knew that I wanted to fight. I had to. It was the honorable thing to do." He stops, closing his eyes tightly.

I take his hand into my own, squeezing it tightly, urging him to continue.

"I moved through the ranks easily. I quickly became the youngest Major in the Confederate army. It meant great honor to my family, and I felt like I had found my purpose. Of course, that all changed in 1863, I was charged with bringing all the women and children out of Galveston. I was hurrying back to get more women when I ran into Maria and her followers for the first time. She sensed something about me, and it was final.

"The change was incredibly hard, I felt like I had died a thousand times over, and honor meant nothing. I would have traded anything to satiate the fire I felt in my bones. When I woke, Maria taught me everything. From fighting to blood, and how to kill a human without evidence.

"Maria was greedy, she was always wanting more than we had, and with my charisma we slowly took over land anywhere we could. I worshipped the ground she walked on, did everything she asked. I trained a group of newborns into being an effective killing vice, and she quickly decided that we would restart the wars."

I look at Jasper, pity filling my system as my eyes take in his stiff form warped by the darkness of the light.

"Don't pity me, that's the last thing I want." He gazes over at me, reaching out to grab my hand.

"Okay."

"We took out a coven in Maria's hometown, and didn't lose a single newborn. I assumed that then we would be done, but she wanted more. I stood by her side, and watched as every single one of the twenty-three vampires I turned with were killed. I was the only one left. Around that time, I started to notice my differences." He pauses.

I take the time to squeeze his hand tightly, and he looks at it like it's the only thing anchoring him to the earth.

"I was depressed, I felt things like no one around me. I could feel when allies were going to turn, make a newborn calm before they were killed. It was something Maria and the others knew of, but eventually my talents began to take their toll. I pinned the depression to feeding. I could feel everything the human I was killing felt, I tried to starve myself, but then I would lose control and go on a spree and feel worse than before."

I watch him as he continues to explain his life to me, his hand clasped firmly in my own, and I know that I must move forward.

"Jazz?" I whisper lowly in the middle of his explanation of his introduction to the Cullen family.

He stops.

"Can I just tell you something?" I ask, losing confidence quickly.

"Of course," His eyebrows knit in confusion.

"I know that turning me was a hard choice. I know that it came out of nowhere. I would be dead either way, and his isn't natural, but I wouldn't be here, with you, having this conversation had you not turned me. I hate feeding, and I hate wanting to kill everyone around me, but what I don't hate is you."

I gasp in air that I don't really need, and continue.

"I don't hate the way you look at me, or knowing that you would protect me always. I don't hate your charm, or the way you smile genuinely when everyone is together. I really don't hate hearing your voice, I don't hate the way you make me feel when we're even within inches of each other."

"Calina, what does all of this mean?" he asks.

I scoot impossibly closer to Jasper, shivering when my skin comes into contact with his.

"I forgive you, Jasper."

His eyes widen, and emotions flicker across his face, and I feel him melt as my hand trails up his arm.

Without warning, my back hits the tree behind me, and his lips crash onto mine. Without time to even think, I kiss him back feverishly, the whole in my heart shrinking.

. . .

"Jesus, what the hell were you two doing out there? It was like a damn earthquake." Emmett whoops as Jasper and I return to the house, hand in hand. He grins devilishly at me when he sees our joined hands.

"Will you leave them alone?" Rosalie quips, tossing her pen impossibly hard at her hulking husband.

"Oh, come on, Rosie, you remember how loud we were the first," Emmett is cut off as the notebook Rosalie was writing in is flung in his direction, hitting him before he can catch it.

My eyes dance over the people in the room, Jasper pulling me closer as the front door opens. I wince when I realize that Edward and Bella are back from whatever took them out of the house. I look to Jasper, and he tips his head at me, guiding me upstairs with his gaze.

He takes my smile as a go ahead, and starts to lead me out of the open living room. I barely notice Rosalie or Emmett's bickering, and focus solely on the man behind me.

We cross straight into Edward and Bella as they ascend the stairs, and I try to be civil, for Edward.

He mutters a quiet "that would be nice." In my direction, and I send him as many awful things as I can in my mind without telling the fragile girl to my right.

"Bella." I nod at her, trying out a smile that reads more like a grimace.

"Calina." She regards me nervously, and I glance back at Edward. He's watching us like a hawk, no doubt reading the way my throat burns as she moves.

"I hope your walk was nice." I say sincerely, a smile tugging on the corner of my lips.

"Yeah, it was great." She clears her throat, returning my smile with an awkward one on her end.

Hurrying past the couple, I Jasper and I barely manage a good night to them before he's pulling me into the room, slamming the door shut.

I eye him with a grin.

"I want to try something."

. . .

"Cali and I are leaving for a few days." Jasper announces as we convene in the living room, each of us soaking in the only family time we have had for the past few weeks.

"Alaska?" Edward questions, and I nod.

"We will be visiting the Denali clan." I inform, praying that Edward will not spill my true plans, to my surprise he does not say a word.

"That sounds pleasant." Carlisle smiles at the both of us, his pale skin seems to seep into the white couch as he speaks.

"Just remember school starts up again soon, and we have to acclimate Calina better to the humans." Esme looks around the room, her eyes resting on the both of us.

"Of course, ma'am." Jasper assures her, gently squeezing my hand.

"Remember that we still have to go back to school shopping." Alice quips, fixing her hair with graceful fingers.

"Wouldn't miss it." I laugh, slinging my hiking bag onto my back before Jasper can make a fuss and carry it for me.

"Safe travels." Carlisle motions to us, walking with us to the front door where Jasper's sleek car waits in the drive.

Carlisle continues to talk to Jasper as I stuff the backpack into the car.

"What you're doing, you have no way of knowing it will work." Edward appears at my side, his face brooding in the dusk light.

"I have no way of knowing that it won't. I have to try."

I turn into the door, getting situated quickly as Edward and Carlisle watch us. Jasper drops into the driver seat, and looks at me.

"You ready, darling?" he grins.

"Forever will be."


	16. Part 1:16

"You're sure about this?" Jasper drawls, swiftly turning us around a sharp corner. My hand finds its way to grip the side of the seat. I may be nearly invincible, but Jasper's driving alone would be enough to scare God.

"Of course I am." I shoot a lopsided grin at him, hoping that he hasn't yet caught on to how utterly terrified I am to drive with him.

We've driven halfway across Alaska by now, the further we drive, the more my nerves start to play, which is probably why Jasper has asked a dozen times whether I'm sure I know what I'm doing. To be honest, I don't have a clear cut plan in my mind. Winging it seemed like a good idea, until we turned into the town outside of where the Denali clan resides, and I realized I have no clue what I'm going to say.

As I feel myself start to work up, Jasper's knuckles tighten on the wheel, a sense of calm spreading through me as I watch houses pass by us.

"What's it like?" I look over at Jasper, he's been mostly silent the entire ride, something I appreciate greatly. It allowed me time to think, and time to talk without interruption aside from his sparse interjections of agreement.

"What?" he asks quietly, his eyes picking over everything outside the windshield.

"Feeling everything."

He slows the car down at my question, finally driving somewhere near the speed limit, and sucks in a deep breath.

"It's a climate. Sometimes it's a storm, sometimes sunshine, sometimes it's suffocating." He nods, and I wait for him to continue "It's not easy, but being with our family makes it so much easier, I can control it better around them."

I take in his words, carefully mulling them over. It pains me to know that my emotions can affect him so greatly.

"What am I like?" the question tumbles out of my mouth before I can stop it, and when I see the pain flicker across his face I immediately regret it.

"When we first met, I couldn't even think of anything other than the sadness that engulfed you. There were flickers where you felt something close to happiness, but those moments were by so quickly. Then there were times where I swore you felt so empty that you were feeling nothing at all. It was like you were dead." He grimaces.

"You felt all of that, just from me?" I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to escape the car that's suddenly becoming far too small.

"The worst was when I turned you. You were so betrayed, and scared, and I hated myself for what you felt because of me."

We ride in silence after that, my eyes glued to the window like watching is my job. Occasionally I can feel his eyes glance over to me, but they flit back to the road just as quick.

I keep my silence until we pull onto the old street. Big evergreens frame the houses and poke out from the woods behind my old house.

"I walked home that night." I whisper, and Jasper's eyes glance over at me, the car rolling to a stop.

I watch the scene around me out the window, snow swirls in the last hours of daylight. Everything is so familiar, yet seems so distant and daunting in front of me.

"I wasn't even supposed to be at the house. He was just going to murder my family, and then take me away, but I tried to stop him. I don't know what would have happened had I ran."

"Calina, we don't have to do this." Jasper pleads, reaching over to grab my hand. Our connection seems to give me the strength to finish.

"I run. I run from everything. I ran when Allison came to take care of me, I ran from you, I ran from my friends, but I didn't run that night. And for the longest time, I didn't know why I took him on and stayed, but now I know." I look to Jasper, love pouring off of me as I take in his handsome features. I know he can feel it.

His eyes close, and then snap open.

"It was you." I finish "I didn't run, because I had to stay to meet you."

Looking at him, I know that far beyond whoever made us to care for each other so instantly, I love Jasper Hale.

"I love you." I whisper, a smile gracing my face. As I watch, his hard expression cracks, and then happiness seeps through.

"Darlin', I have loved you since forever." He grins, and tugs me forward.

I let out a squeal as he effortlessly pulls me over the console until I'm straddling him. His lips meet mine hastily, hungrily even, and I flourish under his spontaneity. I'm lost in him when I bump the wheel behind me.

The loud beep of the horn startles us both, and a fit of giggles escapes me nervously. Soon he is chuckling along with me, a glimpse of how charming he truly can be playing before my eyes.

"I talked about emotional climates earlier," Jasper stops laughing abruptly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear "You're the climate I enjoy most." He whispers, his thumb running gently across my cheek.

I smile down at him, wanting nothing more than to just freeze this moment, and live in it forever, but I know we cannot.

"You're my favorite person."

He lights up at my words, effortlessly making the moment ever the more brilliant.

"We have to go now." I sigh, opening the driver's side door so that I can climb off his lap "you'll stay with me, no matter what?"

"Always." He nods, looking so serious I swear he could be commanding a battle in his mind.

Our shoes crunch under the ice and gravel that coats the roads of the tiny town. With twilight fast approaching, the house has begun to be shrouded in darkness. A few lights shine out onto the expanse of lawn as we cross it swiftly. I'm anxious to get inside, and out of the views of nosey neighbors.

Bending down to the rug, I pull it aside, grabbing our spare key out from under it. Old habits die hard, I suppose. With a bit of jimmying, and Jasper offering to break down the door when I can't open it on the first try, the door springs open.

Soft music floats through the house from the stereo in the kitchen, and the dryer runs from the laundry room upstairs. Everything seems so foreign, yet so familiar. I can hear Allison's heartbeat from afar, she's no doubt sitting on the back porch, watching the forest while she sips peppermint tea like her life depends on it. Knowing her she has work on her lap, and a highlighter in her right hand, going through the report with the meticulous eye she's always had.

I motion to Jasper to follow me, taking his hand when my nerves get the best of me. If I could be sick, I surely would be right on the rug my mother put over a huge paint stain on the hardwood when I was thirteen.

Jasper takes in the house around him like it's his first time, even though he's been here many times before. His posture has returned to being rigid, and I don't have to be an empath to know that he's just as nervous as I am.

"She's outside in the solar room." I whisper, nodding to the kitchen where the door to the outside room stands.

"No, I'm right here." Allison's voice spooks me so bad that I nearly jump out of my skin, Jasper's eyes widen larger than I've ever seen them. She obviously scared him as bad as me.

Surprised that neither of us heard her approach, I fumble over my words, finally just landing on a small "hey."

She looks at me incredulously, watching me with eyes like a hawk, which makes forming a sentence a thousand times harder. Thankfully, or not so thankfully, she saves me.

"Jesus, Calina. You've been gone nearly a year, and you show up with this boy, and just say 'hey' like everything's normal."

I flinch under her stare, Jasper being of absolutely no help as he just watches her with those same damn wide eyes.

"Allison, we need to sit down." I mumble, glad that she catches on, and motions me into the living room wordlessly.

"She may be putting up an angry front, but she's ecstatic." Jasper whispers so lowly that I barely catch it as I follow her.

I just nod in response, sitting on the loveseat opposite Allison. Jasper sits down next to me, his hand finding mine discreetly as Allison watches both of us, waiting for an explanation.

"Alli, I have so much to tell you, but before we begin, I want you to know that running away wasn't exactly my choice, or my plan." I glance at Jasper, and he shifts uncomfortably as her glare turns onto him.

I laugh anxiously, and shake my head at Allison.

"No, it wasn't like that either. You need to keep an open mind through what I'm about to tell you." I sigh, and Jasper squeezes my hand.

Allison nods her head vigorously, despite my reassurance, her glare still rests on Jasper when she leans back in the chair again.

"In the days leading up to my disappearance, I got worse, Allison. I know that Dr. Cullen told you that I was able to come home, and was resting while you were in Miami, but I wasn't."

"How can that be, I saw you at home, Kate called from the phone and said that you were good as new, she was watching you before you disappeared." Allison sounds exacerbated, and we haven't even begun to reach the thick of anything yet.

In a rash and somewhat reckless moment of complete weakness, I look at my sister, and blurt out the answer she's craving.

"I died."

The look on her face is rather priceless. Her eyes dart between Jasper and I, I stay out of her head, knowing that whatever she's thinking isn't what I want to hear.

"I've read about this Calina, is this Stockholm disease, because if they're making you say this, I can get you out, I know that I can." She rushes out, the glare returning in Jasper's direction tenfold.

"First, it's Stockholm Syndrome, not disease." I correct her, instantly feeling bad when it slips out automatically "Second, Allison, I did die, and he brought me back." I nod towards Jasper.

"Brought you back, how?" she asks slowly, her eyes fill with skepticism.

"That isn't important, I'm the same as I used to be, just with a few alterations." I explain, hopeful that she will listen to me.

"Alterations?" she questions, and I sigh.

"How about we make you dinner, and we can talk more over it." I manage to side track her with food, something that has always worked, and I stand, Jasper mirroring my movements quickly.

Allison stands automatically with us, following me swiftly like she's afraid I will disappear again. The pain of the thought of what is to come is crippling, but closure is something that we both will need to move forward.

Jasper must sense the pain because he gives me a reassuring nudge on the hip, trying to shoot me a smile. I know he wants desperately to control the mood around him so that neither Allison or I feel pain, but he made a vow to me to let my emotions run free while here.

Allison is frozen in a kitchen chair as Jasper and I busy ourselves with making her pasta. We move like one, silent, but speaking in different ways. I know it must be shocking for her to see us so in synch, and in love, but she says nothing of it.

"Where have you been?" Allison finally asks, her tone more timid than angry.

"I spent the first few months in Jared's uncle's cabin." I pause, making eye contact with Jasper "But now we reside in Washington, it's where I'll be finishing school."

"You were so close." She murmurs, eyes filling with tears.

"Allison, we aren't even supposed to be here now. It's dangerous for you to be near me, and it was even more back when I first left." I sigh, looking back at her.

"Dangerous, how?" she gasps, looking between Jasper and I frantically like he may take the knife he's cutting vegetables with and stab us both.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that." I whisper, wishing that I could just tell her and get it off my chest.

"You were so close." She repeats, a strangled sob coming out of her mouth "and I, I didn't know. I could have helped you, I still can. Whatever you've done, it doesn't matter anymore, what matters is that you're here now, and I'll help you fight whatever it is. We can get a doctor, or a lawyer, or a therapist. Whatever you need." She rambles through tears and sniffles.

"I'm so sorry. I left, but I was never truly gone." My face contorts, and if I could cry, I would "I never stopped loving you, or caring for you. I visited you more times than I can count. I just couldn't put you or my family in harm's way." I kneel in front of her, taking her hands into my own.

My throat burns, and I swallow trying to suppress it, but the way her pulse thrums under my hands is overwhelming. My hunger is overbearing, so I let go quickly, shooting myself across the room so that I'm as far away from her as possible.

Her eyes widen in shock, and her hands flutter to her chest where her heart is making enough racket to bust right out of her chest.

"What-what are you?" she stumbles over her words, fear evident in her eyes. Jasper freezes, not moving a muscle as he listens for what is to come next.

"Please, don't be afraid of me, Allison." I plead, anxiously grasping at the counter I rest against.

The room is silent for what feels like forever, and I fear the worst.

"I'm not." She finally boldly reassures me, but her frantically beating heart says different. I ignore the heart and focus on hoping that she truly isn't.

"What I am," I pause, looking at Jasper who nods encouraging me silently "We are." I continue "It's too dangerous for a human, but I couldn't stand to not say goodbye to you, Allison." I sigh.

Her face contorts into grief.

"Goodbye?" she gasps incredulously looking at me like I've committed a crime far worse than murder.

"Yes, Allicat, goodbye." I whisper, flinching when her nickname slips easily out of my mouth.

"But I just got you, everyone, everyone is gone." She mutters more to herself than me, and I feel my heart break.

Behind us the timer for the pasta goes off, and Jasper rushes to stop its shrill scream. Allison is completely unbothered by it, she's lost in her mind.

"I have nothing, Calina, no one. You're the last person I love, and you're leaving me." She cries, flinging herself towards me and grasping my wrists like they're anchoring her to this moment.

"Do you remember what mom used to say, after Grandma Dee died?" I ask, smoothing back my sister's hair, waiting for her brown eyes to meet my golden ones.

"She said that no matter what we did, she would always be there." Allison hiccups, looking down and away from me.

"Our guardian angel." I nod, offering her a small smile.

"I don't understand why you have to leave me, what if I'm alone forever?" in this moment I see just how broken she is, and how broken she has become since I left. In a way, our roles have reversed, she may be elder, but the sadness has left her a blubbering mess.

"You won't be, I will make sure of it." I whisper, pulling her to her feet.

"I love you, little sister." She sniffs, wrapping her arms around my shoulder.

Her heartbeat doesn't bother me as I pull her incredibly tight to me, relishing in the comfort that is my older sister for what must be the last time.

"You've been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Thank you for never giving up on me." I whisper in her ear, and she lets out a loud sob.

"What happens now?" she chokes out as we pull away.

"I have to make you forget."

Her eyes brim with more tears, and she looks at me like she can't believe that I will go through with it.

"I won't, I won't forget." She pleads with me "I will never forget this, no matter what you do." She looks at me wildly as though she's hoping I will confirm her wants.

"I'm so sorry, I love you, Allison." I grasp her hand tightly.

"I love you." She sighs, squeezing my cold hand.

I look at her, taking in her sweet face, and the way she looks like the air has been sucked out of her taking her life with it as well. She's aged since I last saw her, tired bags rest under heavy lidded eyes. I long to fix her. With a sick heart, I begin to dig into her mind, like I have practiced with Jasper, and grab ahold of the reigns.

"You're going to fall asleep now, and not wake up until the night is old." I pause to collect myself "None of this was truth, you dreamed that I came to you tonight. I am dead, lost to the snow, and you will stop looking, stop wasting away, stop worrying. You'll move on, as soon as you wake, but you'll always know that I love you so incredibly much." I envision her future, giving my commands, and the brown eyes that have been locked to mine fade slowly shut.

Allison slumps to the ground, and I catch her in my arms. A tearless sob escapes my mouth, strangled and loud, but she doesn't even flinch.

Jasper catches the both of us, scooping Allison up and taking her to the couch where he covers her with a blanket before coming back to my side, and wrapping me up in strong arms.

"I'm no longer a Laraunt." I gasp, leaning into Jasper.

"You'll always be a Laraunt, at heart, even if you become a Cullen." Jasper soothes me, helping me to my feet.

"My old life is gone." I muse as we walk slowly through the house, silent as ever.

"It is." He agrees, holding the front door open for me like the gentleman he is "But your new life, a life with me is just beginning."

The thought of my new life dampens my sadness, and I offer him a small smile.

"Jas." I murmur, grasping his hand as we walk down the drive to his car.

"Yes, darling?"

"Let's get married."

 **Let me know what you're thinking, the good, the bad, the sad. I'd love to hear from you, even if it's just a hello!**


	17. Part 1:17

"Alice is absolutely driving me insane." Rose mutters, shoving books into her locker with unnecessary force.

"What did she do now?" I roll my eyes at her antics, but still smile gently at my adopted sister.

"She's gone overboard on the human's birthday party, she's pretty much decorated the entire house for tomorrow. How have you not noticed? It's all she talks about." She huffs slamming her locker shut.

I close mine, and we turn together. The stares of the other students around start to rattle me. A deep ache in my throat burns slowly up the back of my throat forcing my thoughts to be on slowly draining each of them. Rose's grasp on my arm breaks me from my spell, and I close my mouth, giving in to her tight squeeze.

It's only been two days since school started. Jasper's presence has been a constant by my side, making sure I'm adjusting well. No matter how I protest, he stays firmly beside me, earning us even more attention that we already have. Of course the addition of Bella to our lunch table hasn't seemed to help too much

"You good?' Rose asks lowly, watching me carefully has she flips her blonde waves over her shoulder.

"Yeah, let's just get to English." I smile at her, starting towards Mrs. Ostenburg's classroom.

My phone vibrates in my hand, and a small grin dances across my face as I read through Jasper's loving text.

"He never leaves you alone, does he?" Rose mutters, falling into step with me.

"He's just looking out for me." I roll my eyes at her, looking over my shoulder when I hear Emmett's booming laugh from a hallway away.

We meet Emmett and Edward as we turn the corner towards the English hallway. I stop in my tracks when I see the look on Edward's face. He looks past just riled up, and Emmett, as always, looks as smug as can be.

Neither Rosalie or I bother asking what has spiked his annoyance, not particularly interested in what Emmett has done this time.

Emmett looks to Rose before lumbering over to her and planting a loving kiss on her cheek. They both whisper to each other in hushed tones, and feeling like I'm intruding, I look to Edward.

I stare at him innocently, and he narrows his eyes at me.

"Get out, I know what you're doing." He mutters darkly, moving to shove past me, but as he goes to knock his shoulder into mine, he hits a much more tense body.

"Don't touch her." Jasper warns easily, seemingly forgetting that I'm not as fragile as I once was.

I place my hand on Jasper's arm, squeezing him gently. He relaxes a bit, turning towards me with a tight-lipped smile.

"Hey, I'm okay." I grin up at him, my hand lingering on his arm.

His fingers dance gently across my cheek, ghosting across the top of my cheekbone before he tucks my hair gently behind my ear.

When we returned from Alaska, Alice took me aside, smiling like a lunatic as she spoke of the way Jasper acts around me. She told me breathlessly that she's never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at me. The way she spoke of his eyes never leaving me when we were anywhere near each other was so cheesy I almost stopped listening, but I couldn't because I was so enraptured by her words, knowing that each of them was true.

"Darling." Jasper breaks me from my thoughts, "You are so beautiful."

I laugh, the tinkling bell sound still seeming unfamiliar, and then look to Rosalie and Emmett behind me. He's making inappropriate gestures at me and she's trying her hardest to swat them down with her piercing glare pointed straight at him. Sometimes I wonder how they could ever be made for each other.

Jasper follows my line of vision, stiffening when he sees Emmett. I know if we were at home they'd be wrestling or something by now, but he just gives him a bored look, pulling me gently to him and uttering a goodbye as the warning bell rings.

Rose shoves Emmett away, rolling her eyes at him. Jasper has disappeared again, so we walk to class slowly, talking about the papers we have due, and what dress Alice has picked out for the party tomorrow.

The bell rings right as we enter class, we quickly slide into our seats in the back of the room, avoiding making eye contact with anyone.

As Mrs. Ostenburg starts to drone on about Romeo and Juliet, my mind flutters to Jasper.

After our brief trip to Alaska, and my crazy admission of wanting to marry him, we both got caught up in the moment. Alice was pissed to learn that her best friend and her new sister managed to get married in some dingy courthouse with fake documents, no reception, and no intent to tell her.

It didn't seem like a big deal then, forever was something we both could count on, and a document stating our marriage wasn't something that really altered anything.

I know that Jasper and I have done everything completely out of order, and most of it is thanks to the compulsivity that guides me like a rope tugging me through life.

I fiddle with the small band on my finger, same as Jasper's, and I could almost laugh at the high I had as we ran out of the chapel. He had twirled me in the snow, and I swear I've never seen a smile as big as the one he wore that night.

I don't know why I proposed, or asked, whatever it could be considered, but I know that I've never been quite as calm. After everything he is my safe place, my home, and the one thing I know will keep me grounded.

I twirl off the ring as Mrs. Ostenburg calls on Rosalie, surprising her, but not phasing her in the slightest.

The small diamond on the intricately beautiful band gleams up at me as I look to the center, remembering what he whispered to me as we waited outside the judge's office.

"I promise you, Calina Laraunt Cullen, that I will be a constant. Mrs. Whitlock, I will love you ceaselessly."

The inscription hits me in my soul, and I sigh.

 _Ceaselessly._

 **Okay friends! SO this is part one of the book, the next chapter will be the "Epilogue" of part one, and the beginning of part two all at once. This story is in two parts, the second part will have much more action, and much more continuity. This first part is the way that it is because you have to know Calina, her little bits of beauty, and her tremendous flaws, because damn this girl is NOT perfect. So sit back, and enjoy part two.**


	18. Part 1: End

There are some moments that seem so surreal you get lost. The motions are stuck inside, and somehow, no matter your feelings, you are frozen in time, captive to the universe in a dark and twisted way. Anything you do, everything you do, is not of your own will. You are a slave to your mind. What a monster it can be.

When I walked in on my Jared Grant standing over the body of my father is a perfect example of this. Without even a second of notice, my body was not my own. The venom tried it's hardest to erase the memories of what happened as he stood over me.

I fought against him until I could no longer move any part of my body. I swore, yelled louder than I ever have, and nearly bled out on the floor of my own house, on that rug my mother used to hide a stain.

Alice could tell more of my own story than I even could. She could tell of the way I screamed when he hit me over and over, how my blood nearly drove Kate insane, and how suddenly this girl she saw in Jasper's future disappeared, and then reappeared bloodied on the ground.

Those moments seem torturously unfair, like the calm before a storm. Everything is there, everything is present, until it all comes crashing in on itself.

I smelt her blood before anything else. It was overpowering, even in the smallest of scents, and then I was gone, out of my body as my family swirled around me like a tornado of action.

I could feel myself screaming, but the words were not my own. I thrashed in Rose's arms, willing to break free.

It was over before I even had time to think, but the screams still left my mouth, as hoarse and ragged as they could be. It was animalistic, insane even, but I could not be bothered with it.

"Jasper." My cries are unnoticed by everyone but Rose, who still holds me, her body shuddering as she struggles to keep me upright.

I can hear her mumbling in my ear, but the moments just passed play on a constant loop in my mind, threatening to drag me under with them. All I can see is Jasper's face, the way his eyes went dark like I have never seen.

"He must be so scared." I finally mumble coherently, and Rose's grip falters.

I spin away from her, looking into her eyes wildly.

"He's okay, Lina, he's okay." She soothes, backing away when a hiss comes from my mouth.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to feel anything coming from my anchor, but I feel nothing, and my fear spikes. In an instant, it turns into tranquility, and I sigh, pulling myself together.

"Where do they have him?"

Rose looks hesitant, looking outside to the woods, and it's all I need. I take off into the woods, trees becoming a blur as sounds of destruction become more evident around me. I know we're near Quileute land so I walk carefully, stepping over fallen branches. It's an easy path of destruction.

I can hear Emmett trying his hardest to get Jasper to stop his rage, his voice booming and commanding. It's nothing like I have ever heard from Emmett. It chills me to the core.

I know that Jasper has been more tense lately. He refused to hunt, his voice turned into one of rank, and power. It was nothing like him, but it was also never directed to me, he keeps everything locked away from me.

When I reach Jasper, the trees are uprooted, and blood covers nearly everything. It looks like a scene straight out of a horror film. The source of the blood, a mountain lion, lies drained on the side of the cleared trees.

Clearing my throat, I step into view, but I know they've both sensed me far before.

"Cal, I wouldn't." Emmett moves in front of me, but the beast in Jasper will have none of that. His growls turn rampant, and he snarls at Emmett who backs away from me with his hands in the air.

Neither of us truly know how to handle the situation, so I nod to Emmett.

"Em, I got this."

He looks at my carefully before turning and lumbering not-so-gracefully into the woods and disappearing.

"Jazz?" I whisper kindly, holding my hand out to him, but he looks at it like it's completely foreign, taking a few steps away from me.

"Okay." I nod "I'm just going to sit here, you do your thing."

I back onto a fallen tree, easily perching atop it. I watch him expectantly, but he doesn't falter. His gaze penetrates me.

His stare is unnerving. Hi looks wild, untamed. Back bent, and legs crouched, his body shudders slightly every few moments as he calms himself down.

After what seems like eternity, I jump lightly to the ground, startling him. He takes a few steps backwards, but when his back hits a tree he's forced to stop. He's still frozen when I move again.

"Hey, you're okay." I carefully step towards him holding out my hand.

His eyes snap between my face and my hand automatically, like he's assessing me.

"I'm a monster." Jasper finally speaks, still as rigid as before.

"No, you are not." I shake my head. The hurt is his sweet drawling voice is so apparent as he speaks again.

"Yes I am." He pauses, looking away from me, shame filling his features.

"Not to me, Jasper. I love you, and you are no monster." I try, and he trembles.

"You won't, you won't love me."

"Jasper, what happened?" my tone shifts, and his eyes squeeze shut.

"Last weekend, you were gone with Alice, and I swear it, I didn't mean for it. I tried Calina, I did."

"Jasper, you're scaring me." I whisper, and he looks to me, but the gleam in his dark eyes tells a tale, and my heart shatters for a moment "Tell me you didn't, Jasper."

"I killed her, we were down south hunting, and she had somehow shot herself. She thought I was coming to help her." Jasper collapses, the strength in him seems to heave out in the breath he releases.

"Oh God." I gasp, my hand flutters to my mouth.

"She thought I was coming to help her."

I stumble back, finally just crouching to the ground as my mind seems to work into overdrive.

"How, how do we fix this?" I mutter, tugging at my hair.

Jasper falls silent, and my eyes dance to him. For the first time since I've met Jasper Whitlock, he is defeated, completely and utterly defeated.

"Kill me." His voice is so clear, that for a moment I think I have misheard him, but when I see the determination in his eyes I shake my head quickly.

Standing, I take careless steps towards him, tripping along the way. In any other situation, I would have smiled, thinking about Rosalie and her always snide comments about me being the most ungraceful vampire to ever live.

"Jasper." I whisper when I reach him, but he stays on the ground, refusing to look at me.

I fall to the ground next to him, leaves crunching under me. From somewhere in the distance a wolf howls, reminding me of our proximity to the edge of our territory.

"What happened isn't right." He sinks further into the ground, trembling like a madman "But Jasper, I love you, and we can fix this. We can get through this. We're going to find a way to work through this, I know you can do this." I murmur, pulling him into my arms.

I hold him, trying my hardest to keep him in my grasp, in more ways than one.

As he lets out tearless sobs in my arms, what once was seemed so strong to me looks so broken, and I look into the woods, my thoughts far away.

I know now that what we have built here, it will end. Nothing that I know will be the same. Nothing can fix what has happened here tonight, no matter how many promises I make that I cannot keep.


	19. Part 2: Beginning

"So then we just leave?" I sigh, moving closer to Jasper who looks like he's killing himself slowly on the inside. He probably is.

"We cannot put her in danger any longer." Edward snarls in my direction, but even that does not phase Jasper.

I glower at him, quickly situating myself between Rose and Jasper in the corner of our large couch.

"Edward, please." Esme gives him a look, begging him to see a different side.

"She could have died, Esme, he could have killer her."

"Don't blame him, he's still new to this lifestyle." Alice jumps to Jasper's defense "He continues to get better. He is your brother, don't try to make him feel worse."

I hold my breath as Edward's glare turns back to Jasper. I beg him, plead in my head for him to not say a word of what he's read to the rest of our family. When he ignores me, and opens his mouth darkly, I squeeze my eyes shut, apologizing over and over to him in my head, and then I do what I have to do to protect my mate, myself, and my family.

I will Edward to keep his mouth shut, never to utter a word of what Jasper did to anyone. His grimace tells me it's working, and I simply look away from him relieved that my gift has done it's job to protect Jasper selfishly and selflessly.

"This fighting will do us no good. Edward is right, we have gotten far too comfortable here, we leave tomorrow." Carlisle nods, rising to his feet with a somber look on his face. He had been silent most of the argument, letting us each have our frustrations out, but at his words, the bickering stops.

I mull over the words of our adopted father, knowing that with his wisdom, he is leading us in the right direction.

Rosalie and I make eye contact, and I can tell she is unsettled by the decision. Standing as I do, she places her hand in mine, and I frown at the sadness that radiates off her. I don't have to be an empath to tell that she is hurting deeply.

"So, this is it then. New city, new house, new humans, same us."

"Oh, it won't be so bad." I offer her a smile, leaning my head onto her shoulder.

"I wish we looked alike." She finally murmurs.

"I wish so too, but sadly I think I look more like the incredible hulk over there than I do you." I laugh gently, knowing that she'd rather be twins with me than Jaz.

"Yeah, I guess you do." She frowns deeply, but a smile creeps onto her face "either way, we're sister-in-law's."

"McCarty or Hale, you've got me either way." I laugh again.

"At least you make this bearable. Before it was just Alice, and you know how that usually goes. You're a good balance, between the both of us. It's like we're two different people, without a connection, and you build the bridge between us."

"I love you Rosie." I grin sweetly at my elder adoptive sister.

"I love you too Lina." She squeezes my hand tightly, gazing down at me lovingly.

I pause, pulling away from her and turning to my mate on the couch who hasn't said a single word since our family meeting adjourned.

"And I love you too Mr. Whitlock." I walk to Jasper, taking his cheek into my hand, cupping it gently.

He still looks like he's killed Bella too, and I frown.

"How could you love a monster?" I can easily tell he's distraught.

"You are no monster, you lost control for a moment in time, but you let us take you outside. I didn't even have to use my gift on you."

"You weren't in my head?" his head snaps up and fiercely dark eyes meet my own.

"Of course not, sweetheart." I sigh, perching gracefully in his lap. I place my hand over his chest, "You have a good soul, Jasper Whitlock."

"And you have the most beautiful one I've ever seen, darling." A trace of a smile hints across his face, and he presses his forehead to mine.

"Damn, I love you." I lean forward, feverishly crashing my lips to his.

He meets me with just as much passion, his hand trailing up my sides until they reach my cheeks.

"I never imagined something this beautiful would be mine for all the seconds of this life." He mumbles into my lips, and I pull away, eyeing him mischievously.

"I can think of a few things to pass that time." I whisper, giggling as I jump off his lap and grab his hand.

"Aw, jesus, look out. Jasper and Calina are about to go at it again." Emmett calls from the kitchen.

If my cheeks could burn red, they would be like a wildfire now. Jasper chuckles, cupping my cheeks and running over the tops of my cheekbones lightly before pulling me in for a kiss that leaves my head spinning.

"I never thought I would be capable of loving anyone like I love you." Jasper grins, holding me close to him for a second before leading me up the stairs towards our shared room.

. . .

"Jasper." I whisper, breaking him out of his spell. He's been staring at the closet while I've been reading for about an hour now.

I'm not sure I want to know exactly where he is in his mind, but wherever it is, it must be unpleasant, because he grimaces slowly every few minutes.

He blinks a few times, turning to look at me with a gentle eyes.

"Where are you, hm?" I trace up his bare chest, scooting to be impossibly closer to my handsome mate.

"It isn't important." He dismisses me, trying to distract me.

My hands find a scar on his side, and I shudder. The thought of my gentle mate fighting in countless wars, and being created simply as a weapon hurts my entire being. I ache to have been there for him, to help him escape, and to be free of the 'major' inside of him.

"I wish I could take them, take it all away for you." I press a chaste kiss to the scar my fingers found just moments ago.

"I would never allow it." He sighs, his arm tightening around me "They would have made me kill you eventually, and that thought pains me."

"I would have taken you and made you run with me, like Peter and Charlotte." I assure him.

"I'm glad I met you now. You would have despised me then, sweetheart." His hand reaches out to stroke my hair.

I ignore him, and find another scar, pressing my lips to it, as cheesily as I can.

"I love you for who you were, and who you've become because of it. Never doubt that."

I put my book down, looking around at the boxes Jasper hastily packed for us just minutes after we came upstairs.

I'm silent for a moment, pondering my words in my mind as I think about the family who has surrounded me since I returned.

The endless journey beats on, and so must I.


	20. Part 2:1

I sigh, looking around at the humans milling about us in the busy town center. Jasper and I sit on a bench right in the middle of the bustle trying to spot something or someone that Jasper knows from his time in the past.

As soon as we left Jasper had begged me for some time away from our family. I think he needed to feel human again for a bit, and being around a constant reminder of his mistakes was helping not at all.

Edward was the first to go much to Rosalie's pleasure. She had rolled her eyes at the news and then turned back into the kind sister I once knew. I know that it pains her to know that she couldn't save me, and she's going to try her hardest to save Bella, if that means scaring her off then she'll do what she must.

None of us have even heard from him since the day he left save for Alice. He had stormed into the house just as soon as we were about to leave begging me to go to the treaty line and entice a wolf into finding Bella. I agreed just because he was stupid enough to leave her alone in the woods, and as much as I don't want her to be a vampire, I'd rather her die later in life than at his hands in a twisted way.

Naturally, Sam had met me before I even managed to see a wolf coming, snarling at me like an idiot until I told him what happened. He didn't say a word to me, just nodded appreciatively and ran off in another direction.

"Darling, are you sure he's coming?" I ask Jasper lovingly. His eyes glance towards me nervously before searching the crowd again.

"He said he would be here, Peter's never one to back down on his word." He replies, reaching over to give my hand a squeeze.

I just smile in response, reading the newspaper in front of us. It's a small story about a boy who was found mauled in the woods of California, and I sigh, hoping that my kind wasn't the cause. The story says mountain lion, but I still worry.

I put the paper down, fiddling with the ring on my finger as we sit. My mind flits to Bella. She emails Alice constantly, so much so that Alice had to delete the account to keep herself from heading back to Forks to check on her against Edward's wishes.

My dead heart aches for the girl. She's surely suffering, I can barely bear to think about being apart from Jasper for so long. Alice keeps tabs on her, but it seems that she's not trying hard to keep herself alive. Alice has begged me to interfere, but I can't bring myself to; yet.

"You look stunning today." Jasper mutters, glancing over at me again, his golden eyes sweeping over my form lovingly.

"You're too good to me Jasper Hale." I laugh lightly, scooting my metal chair closer to him.

Our moment is interrupted by the approach of two people, and Jasper perks up instantly. He stands to his feet, quickly pulling the male in for a handshake. They exchange a few words before I stand as well, meeting the eyes of our visitors.

The man is tall and lanky, Peter as I assume gives me a charming smile, quickly shaking hands with me as well.

"Hello, ma'am. You must be Calina." He politely tips his head at me, tugging his mate forward.

"Peter, I've heard so much about you." I grin, leaning into Jasper as they speak in low tones to one another.

I make eye contact with the timid girl with him, assuming that she must be Charlotte. I give her a smile, holding out my hand to her.

"I'm Calina, apparently those two are too lovestruck to introduce us." I scoff, rolling my eyes at my mate.

"Charlotte." She responds quietly "Peter failed to mention that Jasper found his mate."

She seems content with the fact that I'm here so I offer her a seat at the table Jasper and I have been sitting at for an hour or so. The clouds seem to be never ending so we're refreshing ourselves with the outdoors. It's been nice to not have to hide for sure.

"When were you turned?" Charlotte asks inquisitively like she's trying to figure something out, and I glance at Jasper. He's paused his conversing, and is staring down at us with a tight grimace.

"About a year ago."

"You're still young." She muses, her slightly red eyes darting around us.

"She is." Peter jumps into the conversation, sitting down next to Charlotte.

Our conversation takes a quick turn away from me and I sigh. Charlotte is too shy it seems to hold a conversation, so I watch the humans with interest, watching as a girl across the room sips her coffee apprehensively as she watches the barista behind the counter. I could interfere, feeling the mutual like they have for each other, but I know how wrong that would be. Unlike Edward, trying to block them out seems to work better for me.

"Word is Italy is watching your clan closely." Peter gives me a glance, intriguing me back into the conversation at the table.

"They've done that since Carlisle left them." Jasper shrugs, his now golden eyes finding mine instantly.

"I'm sure they're interested in finding out exactly what's been going on, we sent a wedding announcement their way." My lip curls as I think of the chilling figures Jasper's been so secretive about.

"Carlisle thought it would be best if they knew." Jasper sighs, his hand grabbing my own atop the table, a calm settling over my body.

"They always like to be in the know." Peter chuckles, shuffling uncomfortably.

"Enough about them." Charlotte smiles lightly across the table.

"Yes, how is your family, I was surprised you left your home so soon. If I remember correctly you had just moved there a little under a year ago."

"There was an incident." Jasper mutters, looking down and studying the intricate patterns on the tabletop, so I jump to finish his thoughts, knowing how it still pains him.

"Edward found his mate, a human, and after a few things happened he decided it would be best if we left her to have a human life without our interference. He didn't want history to repeat itself. None of us did" I sigh.

"History, as in you?" Charlotte questions.

"Yes, I met Jasper after being hacked up by an axe murderer." My tone is joking, but my mind instantly goes back to the day that's been fading like my human memories over the past months.

I've had to keep Jasper and Rosalie distracted enough to not head to the prison and hack him to pieces for a while now, especially since we've moved again and haven't tied ourselves down as well yet.

"Oh my." Her dark eyes widen.

"Yeah, not my best moment." I laugh lightly trying to ease the tension.

"Turning her wasn't my intention, but then her organs gave out, and Alice said I had no choice. She was dying either way."

Peter looks at Jasper before a smile cracks across his face.

"Good for you, mate."

"Thank you, brother." Jasper nods his way, his hand finding my leg and giving my thigh a loving squeeze under the table.

"Can I ask why you're not with your family right now?" Charlotte asks, her demeanor seems to be calming down finally comfortable with us.

"As much as we've loved going to high school again, we needed some time to ourselves. We haven't gotten much of it since I was turned."

"Understandable, I can't imagine being tied down like that forever." Peter lets out a loud laugh, and Jasper barely cracks a smile, but I can tell he's happy to be away.

"It does get repetitive." He shrugs.

"You could always join us." Charlotte suggests, connecting eyes with me for a second.

It's an enticing offer, but thinking of the family and haven we left behind we're both quick to decline. It doesn't seem to faze either of them.

"We return today actually; our flight leaves soon." Jasper sighs, his eyes searching the area around us nervously.

I know he's scared to return to our family, because if any of them knew it would most definitely be a change for all of us. I have no doubt that forgiveness would be the first thought in all their heads, but I know that Jasper isn't quite so sure.

When we left weeks ago our first destination was Esme Isle. It gave Jasper a moment of peace, and we were finally able to have a honeymoon to our horribly planned court wedding. Alice has been pining to have a true wedding since then, constantly shoving bridal magazines my way. Something tells me she'll have her sights set on Bella in the coming months.

Edward was so sure of his decision to leave, but Jasper and I were less than certain. Our perspectives on the matter may have had something to do with my disappearing act just months ago. I'm fairly sure he won't be able to keep himself from going back forever, especially with how accident-prone Bella seems to be. We both have no doubt that our family will return within the year.

Jasper looks over to me as he continues to tell Peter about the nomad attack, so I keep silent, offering him a supportive smile. A light rain starts to drizzle and the humans outside scatter indoors some quickly, others taking in the rain with smiles.

I put my hood up, pulling out my phone to look at the time, frowning when I see multiple missed calls from Alice.

"Excuse me for a moment." I stand, giving Jasper's hand a quick squeeze. I feel a lump in my throat as I look at the missed calls. I usually don't hear from her more than once a week, and she never calls more than once just to talk. I instantly worry about my family, but try to keep my emotions under wrap as best as I can so that Jasper won't worry as well.

Putting the phone up to my ear it only has to ring once before Alice's panicked voice comes over the line.

"Calina, it's Bella." She sounds like a breathless human, like she's rushing around.

"Alice, what's going on?"

"She's killed herself, we have to go, I need you to come with me to Forks. She's going to die."

"How? What did you see? I'm on my way." I respond, briskly running towards Jasper and I's rental car. I don't really know what I plan to do by leaving him here, but letting Bella Swan die isn't quite in my plans. If anything I'd rather her be immortal.

"She jumped off a cliff, and then it went black. I can't see her anymore, but we need to get there before Charlie comes home, where are you?" Alice now sounds strained, voices around her growing louder.

"Astoria, Oregon, but we have a flight that stops in Seattle that leaves in an hour, I can be there within a few hours that way." I fling the car into drive ignoring a honk that comes from a minivan I about hit in my rush.

I curse at everything in my head, the minivan and Bella fucking Swan included.

"That won't be quick enough." She cries into the phone.

"Alice, it has to be good enough unless you have a better option."

"Run." She says the word like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"How am I supposed to do that without being seen?" I growl into the phone pulling onto the interstate. The phone beeps with an incoming call from Jasper and I swear at all things about this situation again.

"Ditch the car, I sent a route to your phone. I'll see you in a bit." The phone clicks dead and I continue to fly down the road, answering another call from Jasper as I do.

"Calina, where are you?" His tone is less than pleased and panicky, I assume part of him is worried I've made a mad dash for the cabin in the woods again.

"It's Bella, Alice saw her die, and she needs my help." I respond, swerving around a car who's going entirely too slow.

"And you just left me?"

"I'm sorry Jazz, we didn't have much time, just catch the flight to Seattle and get to Forks." I sigh, calming slightly.

"Jesus, Calina, I thought you were in trouble." He growls into the phone.

"I admit that wasn't the best reaction."

"No, it wasn't. What do you even expect to do when you get there. Edward will have a fit if you turn her."

"Listen, I don't know, but she didn't deserve to get drug into this mess. She's an innocent human, this shouldn't have happened, it never should have." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

The silence on the other end is deafening, and I wince knowing the unsaid implications of my words. I forgave him for what happened to my human life, but part of me still resents him for everything I've been put through.

"You're right, it shouldn't have. I'll see you in Forks, Calina."

The line clicks dead and I squeeze my eyes shut, pulling off the road recklessly at the beginning of the dense forest ahead of me. The route Alice sent begins here. I can't believe I'm running from Astoria like a madwoman in the rain because of a mess Edward created.

I zip up my jacket, looking down with a frown at the cute boots I have on that are no doubt going to get covered in mud. Squeezing my eyes shut and trying to keep Jasper out of my mind, I listen for human heartbeats, knowing I must avoid them as well. Unlike the rest of my family, I'm not near as skilled at avoiding their paths.

I put in my earbuds, letting a steady stream of music and directions flow into my ears, keeping it just low enough that I can hear heartbeats as well.

I push away any thoughts of Jasper, knowing that the fight that's going to come from our conversation will ruin the peaceful harmony we have now. The things I've left in my heart for so long will surface, and what I've already implied can't be taken back.

I take off, focusing only on reaching Bella Swan before she ends up like me.


End file.
